I'VE GOT TO FLY

2012-02-07T23:02:00.000+08:00

okay now i know why they say our malaysian accent sounds like the asian accent in foreign countries. Cuz it's actually quite similar. hahaha.

Never thought it sounded alike until I watched this video.

.
.
.
.
or maybe it's just me. LOL maybe i'm influenced by them? XD

回到原点。

2012-02-04T01:06:00.000+08:00

我试着不去羡慕人。
我试着把我自的性格尽量调成我喜欢的那种人。

我试着。

但是。

成功率似乎很低。

很低。

因为我。

是个失败的人物。

曾经幻想有哪一本书会以我为名。自己的名字会被众人认出。能够确确实实地在这世界上留下足印。

这些荒谬的幻想曾经是我认为能够实现的美梦。

但我长大了。

我知道，依我的能力这一个个的梦想根本就只是梦想。

方才苏醒，已太迟。

所以我有时会这么想，

也许末日并不可怕。

也许我们还有重生的机会？

也许末日是为了洗涤人心？

或也许末日是要告诉我们时间真的能倒退？（那不是我们一直很期望的吗？）

让地球

让人类

让动物

让植物

让微生物

让世间的所有一切

都

再次从零开始。

让地球万物

回归原点。

但我有一个小小的期望，希望我死得不会太痛。是的，因为我是胆小鬼。很怕痛的感觉。一向来都是这样。:/ 天啊。好懦弱。:/

2012-02-02T17:11:00.000+08:00

《拥抱》这首歌，原本是写给同性恋同志们的。但是它的歌词，在我眼里却具有另外一个意思。

"脱下长日的假面
奔向梦幻的疆界
南瓜马车的午夜
换上童话的玻璃鞋
让我享受这感觉
我是孤傲的蔷薇
让我品尝这滋味
纷乱世界的不了解
昨天太近明天太远
默默聆听那黑夜
晚风吻尽荷花叶
任我醉倒在池边
等你清楚看见我的美
月光晒干眼泪
那一个人爱我
将我的手紧握
喔~
抱紧我吻我喔爱~~~别走

隐藏自己的疲倦
表达自己的狼狈
放纵自己的狂野
找寻自己的明天
向你要求的誓言
就算是你的谎言
我需要爱的慰借
就算那爱已如潮水
lalala dadalala~~
孤单都已经离去
只留下天和地
我和你永远在一起

看着我的眼睛
为什么要哭泣
那幸福太容易
让我不敢相信
勾勾手盖手印
这一刻有约定
那爱情变美丽
因为我开始相信 "

因为我午夜里，会变成另一种人。另一种你从来没看过的我。变成一种我喜欢的自己。

等你看清楚我的美。月光晒干眼泪。
哪一个人。爱我。

自己去细细品尝吧。

Happy New Year

2012-01-16T16:19:00.004+08:00

It's a late new year wish, but still. :)

(I have an exam coming up tomorrow and wow, I'm still sitting here composing this useless blog post.)

It's 2012. To be honest, nothing really changes when a new year comes. Time goes by, I'm still the old me and you're still you. I refused to make any 'new year resolutions' this year cause I've found out that it's no use making them. If you want to change yourself into a better being, you can do it anytime, any day, at any moment. I'd rather do daily resolutions.

I've also decided to reduce my complains about life. I'm stopping all the ramblings about friendship too because I think I've found my true friends. Because for me, true friends exist if you think they do, and they don't if you think they don't. It just depends on how you think. Plus, I'm thankful for everything that's happened to me. :) 2011 was definitely not a smooth year for me, I had a few bumps during the journey, but it has made me a better person. (cliche much? XD) The tears I've shed last year won't be wasted, the scars I bear now would be a reminder. I've learnt my lesson, I'll move on and will try to make a change. And I'm glad I met some new friends along the journey (hope our friendship lasts) and am grateful that my old friends are still here with me after such a long time.

Well 2012, I'll try my best to make you an amazing year! :) And I hope the positiveness that's here now will remain. LOL *crossing my fingers really hardly*

So yeah, toodles 2011,

I love yah.

(well actually not really. LOL)

And omgee hai, 2012.

I know SPM's gonna suck, oh but screw it. HAHHAA.

2012-01-13T15:56:00.001+08:00

In case I forget my dream, I'll just post it up here. Actually I've forgotten about half of it, but blah, I'll just post up what I remember.

Okay, so I dreamed about Japan again! But this time I wasn't with AFS. :)))) I was with my family and my family's friend. Which apparently were Japanese. I don't remember having any Japanese family friends though. Haha. They were imaginary. Oh anyways, the dream was a mysterious one. It's about making me realise how important languages are. -__- Because at some point I was with my dad's friend's kids and we got lost. And I don't speak Jap, can't communicate with them. So anyways, they didn't even know they were lost because they were just blindly following me and I just don't know how to tell them that we were lost. So we came to this neighbourhood. It was at night, and was so dark, my heart was literally bursting out of my chest. Dead scared, looking for the right way to follow. Then some middle-aged uncle came out, and surprisingly he was a MALAY. :3 I was sooo happy to see him so I started blabbering in my crappy Malay trying to tell him that were lost but unfortunately he's been living in Japan for too long that his Malay skills were nil already. Then those cute kids were still standing there, dumbfounded, not knowing why I'm freaking out. Cuz apparently they were too young to realise that we were lost. Anyways, that Malay uncle realized that I was speaking Malay and got in the house to call for help. Few minutes later another ojisan grandpa-like uncle came out and started speaking Malay to him. Thank God. He understands Malay and even scolded his son for not understanding Malay. He said that that's our mother tongue and one does not just forget one's mother tongue like that.

That was all I remembered. Oh, anyways, Japan in my dream was BEAUTIFUL. Well, real Japan was amazing too, but in my dream it was like a magical place. Unbelievably beautiful. Like something out from Miyazaki Hayao's animations.

I really hope to go back again one day. :/

Fourteen Days

2011-12-31T00:04:00.005+08:00

P.s: don't mind all the grammar mistakes I made. Cuz I'm too lazy to check. :/ Sorry. Grammar's all over the place!!!

"We don't wish for the easy stuff. We wish for big things. Things that are ambitious, out of reach. We wish because we need help and we're scared and we know we may be asking too much. We still wish, though, because sometimes they come true." - Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy.

A cliche way to start a post, but nevertheless, it's too relevant to not use it.

It all started with a wish - the wish to be chosen as a participant. The memory of the moment when I received the letter telling me that I was chosen was still vivid, imprinted in my mind. No, I was not jumping up and down when I knew I got the place, no, I was not screaming and crying all over the place either. I was even surprised of what my reaction was and how calm I was when I got the news. But thinking back, it was because I didn't know what to feel, as I've never been so lucky before in my whole entire life. A full scholarship to Japan! "Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?"were the only words I could think of at that moment. Well, I used a couple of minutes to settle down, and then broke the news to my mother. My mother and sister however, were the ones who appeared to be more excited than me. But I was still in a state of shock, and confused.

Days went by and I was still in a confused state. I just couldn't believe that this, was actually happening to me. And finally, it was D-day. The day, where the sorcery started. In the blink of an eye, we were on the plane! It was a sleepless night for me, I don't know why but I just couldn't sleep. I'm not sure if it's because the excitement has finally kicked in or it was because of the insomnia. Nevertheless, we reached Japan.

We have finally, touched down, on the ground of JAPAN. Meanwhile, was constantly poking and pinching myself to check whether I was dreaming, because daheck, it's a free trip after all! And you just don't get free trips like this!!! Anyways, the customs guy was the first Japanese we met, and believe me or not, it was actually my first time talking to a Japanese. And it was also the first time I said "arigatou gozaimasu" ,without the awkwardness. It felt good, like the words were imprisoned birds and finally I let it into the wild. After getting through the tedious queue and everything, we were off to go!

Finally. That's the only word that ran across my mind at the moment. Finally the time has come. We were showered with the gracious and affable smiles of our tour guides, Seiko-san ,Akiko-san and the Japanese student volunteer, Panda! (hahahhaha, oh yeah, and kiki went like crazy over the Jap volunteers cause aiyoh, they're JAPANESE!! no doubt we jakuns get crazy right? oh yesh, and clarrise, being the super stern her went: OH GOSH, KIKI. do you know what we're here for?! But yeah, I don't think Kiki gave a damn. hahah) They greeted us with the most genuine smile and gave us instructions on how to put our name tags on the luggage. That was the moment when I saw how disciplined the Japanese are. They even had specific places for us to put our name tags! Another thing that shocked all of us was the mention of the seat belts on the buses. We whoo-ed and wow-ed at the fact that even the buses had seat belts!

First stop, was Nara. I was already indulged in the amazing scenery outside the window. Not to mention fascinated by the variety of colours they have on the leaves. I've never, ever seen something as beautiful as this before. I was feeling rather sleep deprived though, as I didn't get enough sleep on the plane, so I dozed off on the way.

Oh yeah, and one thing I have to mention is that I placed my camera in my luggage and that luggage was underneath the bus you know, the compartment where you put luggage lah, and I had to ask Akiko-san to help me take out my luggage so that I don't miss the oppurtinity to take photos. :/ I was rather scared that she might get pissed off, but wth, she gave me this dashing smile and said she was willing to help. She told me that there were no guarantees though, cuz if my bag was placed on the very inside, then she can do nothing to help, but phew, fortunately it was actually on the very outside! :D So yeah, got it! Haha, plus she said :" oh you're very lucky!!!" and flashed her dashing smile again at me. Haha. (yeah, and I helped her too okay, i'm not a spoiled girl leh)

We went to multiple shrines, met lots of Japanese students who were on their school trips, took photos of cute little Japanese babies like crazy people on loose. We were just simply amazed by how beautiful the country was, and how well-mannered everyone was!

3 days of touring Japan went by and it was the time to go to our host families. I was scared, nervous, and excited all in the same time. I was placed in Miyazaki, a place in Kyushu. My friend was placed there last year as well, and she told her host parents that she has a friend going there this year. I don't know how, but they actually found me in some department store we went to when we reached Miyazaki! This just proved to me how sweet they can be, to come and meet someone who they don't even know. And how can I not mention my host family? To be honest, the stay at my host family was the best experience ever in this whole entire program. Not only I got to experience the Japanese lifestyle, but I also bonded pretty well with participants from other countries. Being the only Malaysian, I was forced to talk to the other participants. I have never been able to talk to strangers so well before, but I had to. Living in a complete stranger's house may sound scary, but it wasn't terrifying nor difficult, at all! Of course, some awkward moments were inevitable; but when you keep an open mind, those moments are the most precious ones. Their hospitality was also one thing that shocked me. My host sisters were rather shy though, but still, you can feel their kindness radiating. Only my younger host sister could speak a little bit of English, but the language barrier wasn't an issue. We still found things that we had in common - we were Potterheads! She even gave me a Harry Potter book that was only sold in Japan! But one thing that I regret a lot is that I never get to bond with my host sister that much. Nevertheless, she still gave away the magazine when she knew that my idol was in it. My host mother, mama, in the other hand always tries hard to speak in English with me, and sometimes I can't even understand her at all, but that doesn't really matter much because we will both laugh in the end. After a few days, we had to leave Miyazaki. Before leaving, mama gave me the biggest hug ever and asked me to come back again. My sisters gave me notes before I went on the bus, which nearly made me tear up. It was so devastating to leave because I felt like I was home right there. My host family, my friends' host families, the year program students and the other JENESYS members from other countries has able to make me feel warm amidst the cold. It was funny to think of how we started off as complete strangers into family members and friends we will never forget.

The other thing that I liked during the homestay, was the fact that we get to know the other AFS participants who were staying there for a year. We even went to Nagasaki with the AFSers we met there. I was pretty nervous, living with people from different countries and my hotel roomates consists of an Australian, an American, and a New Zealander. But staying in the same room with them for merely one night showed me that although we're all from different countries and have different cultures, we still are connected somehow. After all, we're citizens of the world!

Then came the JENESYS festival which was a blast! It started out with inspirational speeches, touching videos made by the awesome student volunteers, and then there came the part where we were all supposed to sing "Closer To You", the theme song for JENESYS. When I heard the song for the first time, I was all like "oh, this is another cheesy song", but when we had to sing it on the last day, the emotions just got the hold of me. The volunteers even danced "Soran Bushi" for us. The music was happy and loud, they had smiles across their faces, but I don't know why, I just had the urge to cry. I didn't want all this to end, I need all the awesomeness to continue! But no matter how bad we wanted time to stop, it just wouldn't stop for us. The time for us to leave eventually came and we were sent back to our normal routines once again.

But one thing for sure, I will never forget this JENESYS experience. And I will never ever forget the people I met there. I've never felt luckier than this before. I remember I used to grumble a lot about how mundane my life was, but after going to Japan with AFS, I realized how lucky I actually am, to meet all these great people, to go to all these beautiful places. And whenever I feel down, I'll be sure to look back and remind myself of JENESYS. It certainly showed something I've never known about the world as well. World peace is not impossible to achieve, because everyone's just about the same, we just happen to be living in different places, having different habits! We just need a little tolerance and everything's possible.

Lastly, I'd like to thank AFS Malaysia, AFS Japan, AFS organizations around the world, CM10, Miyazaki, Mama, Papa, Yumemi, Tsugumi, Mr and Mrs Matsuda, Hideyoshi, Masako, Rina, Mr and Mrs Ito, Tsubasa, Megumi, Bonnie, Bryan, Christopher, Azizi, Chee-chii, Zamantha, Mona, Zakki, Alisha, Molly, Safiya, Camile, Jiwon, Rita, Hosho Senior High School, and everyone that made this trip happen. :)

I thought I was gonna be alone but how wrong was I?! Never knew I would meet this bunch of amazing people! DAISUKI MINA-SAN!!!! <3 <3

The most amazing bunch! MIYAZAKIANS ALL THE WAYYYY. LOVE. DAISUKI.

Another quote to end the post. :D

Friendship is not measured by how much time you spend together, It is measured by the fond thought of that person when ever they come into your heart
— Linda Ienuso

It's not that I don't wanna post a picture of CM10, but I don't have a picture with all the CM10 members in it!!!! TT____TT I was to chicken to ask people to take a picture of us, cuz everytime we take group photos, one person would always be the cameraman and he/she would be showered by like 20++ cameras. So being the very kind me, I chose to keep my own camera and take the pictures off from facebook. But celaka, facebook. The photos all became very dodgy after you upload them into facebook. :/ So yeah.

And one thing, I regret not taking photos with all the people I met there. I don't even have the pictures with my tour guides! I don't even have pictures with my Miyazkians. :( Like NO PICTURES WITH ZAMANTHA. NO PICTURE WITH BRYAN! NO PICTURE WITH AZIZI. WTH. :( NO PICTURE WITH THAT DAMN HOT STUDENT VOLUNTEER! so damn sad tau?!

Whatever lah. :) I still am grateful that I got to go okay. :DDD

2011-12-20T10:30:00.000+08:00

Just dropping by to say that the JENESYS programme was awesome. :D

The best part of it was not only making friends with the Japanese people, but making friends with people all over the world! :)

2011-12-01T20:55:00.000+08:00

I may never understand what apertures are, what shutterspeed is, but what I can say is, I love photography. It's just as simple as that.

No long-winded explanations needed.

Breaking Dawn Craze

2011-11-28T22:49:00.004+08:00

Yes, scoff at me, I was once a crazy twilight fangirl, ahaha. Bought the whole series, swallowed them up within a year, but spat it out once I started reading Harry Potter. :( I hope I knew Harry Potter earlier, and the reason why I read Harry Potter was ridiculously silly. It was all because I wanted to prove the Harry Potter fans wrong - that Twilight was better than HP, hahaha but i phailed. It was an epic phail anyways. haha. I fell in love with Harry Potter at page one. It was INSTANT LOVE BABY. HAHAHA. I was just utterly astonished that JK Rowling could write 7 books that were SHO DAMN ... INEXPLICABLY GREAT! They were legend....wait for it... dary!!!!!!! I must, must force my sister to read them. And my kids. If I ever do have kids. hahaha

But it's hard to deny that the Twilight story was pretty interesting too, with the vampires and werewolves and all, but HARRY POTTER, WAS BEYOND AMAZING. :DDDD THEY SHOULD BE LISTED AS ONE OF THE 10 SERIES YOU MUST READ BEFORE YOU DIE. HAHAHA. or maybe they already are! :D hahhaa

Owh, and all because of Sze Ying, I watched Breaking Dawn with her and yijun. Hahahha. I WAS FORCED INTO IT T_____T *sadface.jpg*

Btw, we pretty much laughed throughout the whole movie. Took surreptitious giggles which annoyed people sitting near us, just because the whole movie was very absurd. Vampires and werewolves appearing out of nowhere was amazing. Amazingly comedic indeed. :D

Oh, and it was, *surprise surprise* interesting! Nah, I lied. It was unsurprisingly boring. I expected it to be reallly boring, and yes, it has lived up to my expectations! First thing first, Kristen Stewart's acting was dull, monotonous, humdrum, and everything associated to boredom. The same applies to Rob Pat's acting skills. Wth, the whole movie was ... awkward. Hahaha, and for some reason, I forgot who played Edward Cullen. XD Had to google edward cullen to get the 'robert pattinson' name. I guess he's already been shoved into a very dusty corner.

*slight spoiler ahead*
Despite the awkwardness and the silence, the ending of the movie was HILARIOUS. REAL HILARIOUS. hahahaha. Everyone went out of the cinema, cause the credits started rolling and all. YJ, SY and I decided to wait a little longer till the crowd's all gone. The credits were still running. The ending theme was still playing. Then after a while, we decided to go too. We were halfway down the stairs. *thump thump thump* AND VOILA. The Volturi appears. I am so very sorry that I've forgotten what their names were but the way they speak WAS REALLLLYYY REALLYYY FUNNY. HAHAHA. We literally laughed our ass off in the cinema listening to them despite not understanding a word they uttered (because we were standing right before the screen and laughing at the way they talked). hahaha. Vampires Suck did a great job imitating them, they did not over exaggerate at all. hahaha. Oh, and I have to say, Renesme (or however you spell her name) was not as pretty as I've expected her to be. My imagination was wayyyy better than their actress. :( *sulking* I DEMAND FOR A MORE BEAUTIFUL RENESME.

Oh, something that I cannot miss, the make up on the vampires suck big time. D: They were supposed to be gorgeous remember?! Why do they look like... pale ghosts instead? :( I mean yeah, they're dead people, and they're supposed to look pale, but hey, CAN'T YOU MAKE THEM MORE PWEETY? They were depicted as GLAMOROUS DEAD PEOPLE!!! The sparkles on the body don't help you know? You need to have a pretty face to pull of the sparkling body lah! :( *sulks again* WAI? WAI HAR?

Conclusion: It was def. not worth the RM7 I paid. *sulks reallll hard this time* but, it was okay lah, cuz I went with my friends and had a great laugh. Hahaha.

Real conclusion: Go watch it with your friends if you wanna watch some lame comedy. :) hahaha.

Ultimate conclusion: It's better if you save your RM10 to watch something like 'The Muppets' or 'Arthur's Christmas'. Or even 'Alvin and The Chipmunks'. I bet any of those movies could beat Breaking Dawn. ;D

Freedom.

2011-11-27T17:11:00.004+08:00

It's unbelievable that till now my heart still aches whenever I think of 5 of them taking different routes. I thought I'd finally get over the JaeChunSu vs HoMin incident, but really, I'm not ready to let them go yet. :'( I can't even watch their old videos without having a heartache. It's just such a WASTE that 5 of them are separated. Divided into two. But I must say, I will always be your fan. Be it JYJ or HoMin...

I may be a Shawol once in a while, or a Hottest sometimes; but DONG BANG SHIN KI will always reside in my heart. Like what I wrote once, "Eventhough I do not own every single album you guys have released, I may not be able to memorize every word to your song, but deep down in my heart, you guys are the ones I truly adore." Dong Bang 5hin Ki. It's hard to explain why I love you so much. It's just like asking me why do I love my mum. Well yeah, I do love my mum more than them fyi, but, that's just that same inexplicable feeling I have towards them.

*This fanfic is written just for me. hahaha. cause i really couldn't bear it anymore. It may be really bad, but heck, WHO CARES? LOL as long as it helps to numb my pain.

It was initially a DBSK fan fic, but ended up as a Yunjae fanfiction. Though I promise that I'll write one, if I have the ability to do so. :)

Red lightsticks dancing in the dark. Like billions of fireflies leading them to the right path. The right path - where all 5 of them stand together.

Yunho's POV

"KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!" I sang with all my might. Trying to fill the whole hall with my voice. I was angry, I was mad. Mad at how you guys just walked away and never looked back. Angry because you guys just left us like this, like it was an easy thing to do. I don't care, I just want to sing. It feels as if my heart was going to jump out from my mouth, and the blood was trying to burst out from the veins and cut through the skin.

But later did I realize that every word I sing makes my heart cringe. Every part of my body hurts, and nobody was seeing it. I can't deny that part of me wants to do this. I still want to prove that DBSK is still DBSK without you three; but everytime I go on stage to sing the songs we once sang together, I could feel my heart twist in my chest. I feel exhausted. And suddenly I feel guilty for staying. Just because I'm greedy for the fame and everything, I chose to be the prisoner. And I don't think you know that it's suffering for me to hear people bash about you guys. But it hurts, seriously. It feels just like I'm the one who's being battered.

And I know, deep down in my heart that the tweet was for me. I feel your pain too, trust me, but I could never voice it out. Not in this prison, not in this cage. And it's impossible for me to not thank the one who's been holding us down, as I'm still working for them. I wish you would listen; but it's merely a wish that's impossible to come true.

When is this ever going to be over? I ask myself, I ask God. When will I ever be free? When? I shouted out, but no one was there to listen to me. No answers were provided. Only silence.

To Jaejoong:
I miss how your eyes lingered on me. I miss how your oversized tee shirt would slip from your delicate shoulder. I miss how you'd smile everytime our eyes met. I miss how I used to trace your wrinkles that are carved into the milky skin of yours. I miss how I used to laugh at the least funny thing just because you laughed at it too. I miss how we'd run in the pouring rain like two insane prisoners. I miss how you reacted when I first broke the rule. I miss how you'd push me away whenever I embraced you. I miss how you'd bite my lips gently whenever mine touched yours. I miss how you'd thrash and kick beside me whenever you felt tired. I miss how you'd let your tears roll down only in front of me. I miss how you'd save me from all the problems I had. I miss how you'd make me feel special. Yes, I miss everything about you.

And now I pray that all of this will end one day; and we could be like what we were before.

I pray for the Tsunami to cease and for peace to be restored.

Jaejoong's POV
Night falls, and I'm lying on my bed with my eyes closed. Hoping that what happens to me every night won't happen again. But still, the inevitable hits me once again.

The self-reprimanding starts, the tossing and turning starts; the guilt grows inside me, the pain grows as well. Engulfing me until I feel like I am about to evaporate.

I acted like I was alright, like everything was perfectly fine, I smiled my signature smile for the cameras and tabloids, but really, that smile wasn't a result of happiness. It was just to shove all the rumors away, sweeping them all under the carpet.

What if I had just tried to endure the imprisonment for a little longer? What if I had never done such a rebellious act? Maybe all these nightmares would never be part of my life. And we would still be the same old happy bunch.

I closed my eyes trying to shield all the memories from invading my mind. I wanted to be free. That was all I wanted. Suddenly, my nightmare came knocking on my door again.

The nightmare starts. Once again. So vivid like it was happening right now. It's inevitable I guess. *Warning, yaoi ahead*

We were running in the rain without a destination one night, just the desire to be free. Freedom was what we craved. It was like our favourite candy locked up in a jar by our relentless stepmother; something we could never reach. Nevertheless I was pretty much contented, for I had you by my side.

Then you halted abruptly and turned your head to face mine. We were just an inch away. Our noses barely touching each other's, the atmosphere was intense, your dark brown eyes were sending a gentle warmth but a slight frown was visible. I could feel your breath on me. Your broad chest expanded and contracted along with the rapid breaths you took. You reeked of alcohol and cigarette smoke that I blew on you earlier. Droplets of raindrops kept falling from your messed up hair. Your hands which are full of veins trying to burst out from the skin moved closer to mine but they were never allowed to touch mine. It was like an unsaid rule, that we shall never touch each other. We were so careful that I could only secretly feel the pain and warmth radiating through them. You moved your thin but succulent lips, wanting to say something but eventually swallowed it back. I stopped breathing for a few seconds, trying to digest your suaveness. Your eyes did not even budge for a second eventhough I've moved mine away from yours. I took a few surreptitious glances at you to find that your eyes were still hovering upon me.

Out of nowhere, your hands grabbed mine with a strong clench, pulled me towards you and our chests touched. I was too weak from all the dance practices to resist you. I did it reluctantly but secretly loving how it stopped my shivering as your warmth was being transmitted to my body in the pouring rain. We were even closer than before. Eventually, the words found its way to your voice box and your velvety voice resonated in my ears. "I'm sorry that I broke the rules, but I just wanted to be free, just this once." I gulped, taken aback by myself that I actually allowed you to do that. Suddenly you closed your eyes and gently drew my face towards yours. I scrutinized you through the rain, despite having the rain blurring my eyesight, the elegant eyelashes, the concealed wrinkles on your face, the thin lips on your face were all so magnificent, so unbelievable. Your lips hovered over mine and brushed them softly. You plunged into me all of a sudden, then everything dissolves into a nothingness as I shut my eyes.

I remember I bit you when your tongue swirled its way into my mouth. I ran away, leaving you in the rain.

I shook. I shivered. I cried.

I woke up. My eyes and cheeks were wet. Initially I thought that it was all because of the rain, but I realized that it was just a dream. Licked some of the water from my lips and it tasted salty. My tears perhaps?

I've chosen to shut all the memories of the past out of my life. But this fragment of my own memory still haunts me. Till this day.

Guess the freedom I've been searching all this time hasn't been found yet. No, it hasn't. Not until you hold me close to you again.

Off I Go.

2011-11-10T17:04:00.004+08:00

*Note: the title was based on a song called 'Off I Go' by Greg Laswell.

The wind caresses my hair softly as it blows,

licking my grazes and blowing away my sorrows,
and I wipe off my tears because I know
that I'm ready to go.

The rain quenches my thirst as it falls,
dissolving all the unnecessary barriers and the walls,
and I sing with the birds because I know
that I'm ready to go.

Off I go,
to a place I don't even know.

There I'd sing songs I've borrowed
suck on berries that are oh-so-mellow
listen to the trees play a sweet scherzo
and eventually fall asleep under a century old willow

Off I go,
to a place, somewhere over the rainbow.

2011-11-07T22:27:00.003+08:00

Furball's picture

I'm a little furball

with eyes popping out

with no nose to smell

and no special tales to tell

no I ain't got legs to walk

neither do I have a mouth to talk

all I could do is bounce and bounce

after all I only weigh an ounce

How did I write this then

without the ability to hold a pen

oh this is a little furry secret

something I don't tell the others

but since you're such a good little kid

you could come down and have a sit

I will tell you how and why

and how hard I had to try

to get this little piece of nothing done

oh yes I will tell you son.

My eyes did all the work

you should see how they jerked

for I strained them to write all these words

and yes I know it sounds absurd

But what is happening in front of you

is ultimately and extremely true

I would never lie to kids like you

for I love being friends with you

Another fun fact you'd want to know about me

There's a thing in me that you can't see

Try to guess what it is

Then I would give you a hug and kiss

But wait I don't have a mouth nor any limbs

Guess I'd have to give you my favourite ice cream

Till then, toodles, kid

One day again, we will meet.

***************************************************

Little furball came to visit me during my BM paper 1 exam. :D He was sho cute and adorable. Being around him makes you all warm and fuzzy inside. I hope he'd come visit me again though.
Oh yes, he wrote this!
I was just helping him to spread the message. Mind to answer his question? And he's such a sweet little furball, not stingy to share his favourite ice cream with me! And he told me that his favourite ice cream flavor is blueberry mint! How nice. We don't see the combination a lot here eh? But in the furball world, it's highly popular. Sigh, why can't we just be awesome like them? Oh and he said that he'll meet me again one day, so yeah, am hoping that he'll tell me more about his world, and he promised me to bring his girlfriend during the next trip! :D I will definitely share his story with you guys. :D I've just noticed that he hasn't told me his name. D: But it's okay, I'll know it one day! Hahaha.

Oh, and remember to guess what's in him that we can't see! :D

omg, am i talking crap again. oh bah. whazzzzzzever.

2011-11-05T21:28:00.004+08:00

我不需要再长篇大论了。简洁的几句话就行了。:)

钱思颖。谢谢你。:))
阮愉君。谢谢你。:))
萧婉欣。谢谢你。:))
陈田秀。谢谢你。:))
胡启晶。谢谢你。:))

哈哈。老朋友们，谢谢。:)m真的就像我妈妈说的 -- 小学的朋友将会是最难忘的。不知道对你来说是否如此。但对我来说，你们确实填补了我心里的那个空洞。听了我好多的牢骚，真的很对不起。哈哈。我不想的。但是以后你有什么不爽，记得也要打来烦烦我。但是我不敢保证我能够成功地安慰你们，因为那并不是我的强项。阿哈哈。多多谅解呗。

总之，就是要谢谢你们。感恩感恩。:DD hahha.

最后，不忘。。。

张伊宁。谢谢你。:))
虽然我是最近才真正和你交上朋友，但是你听了我很多很烦人的话所以还是要说声谢谢啦。哈哈。即使你永远都不会看到这个小讯息但是，还是为了避免违背良心还是在这里写了。哈哈。

ohmygod. 我写了起鸡皮疙瘩。哈哈。太肉麻了。令人作呕。哈哈。

Gah, not forgetting KATHRYN TAN. :D hahaha. Little fash-io-nis-ta! Thanks for being my little personal sun! It still amazes me how easily we cliqued! x)
Oh and hahahaha. my dear waifu, NAJIHAH. hahaha. my long lost soul sista. :DDD Thanks for listening to my rants and complaints and weird dirty secretive little thoughts. :)) hahaha.

2011-11-05T03:00:00.002+08:00

Am deliriously in love with some of Faye Wong's songs. But I must admit, not every single one of them appeals to me, nevertheless there are a few that have the ability to send this inexplicable warmth through my eardrums and into my insides. Despite listening to them for the umpteenth time I still can't get sick of them. They're still on loop now. That's how magical the songs are. :))

Since you're deleting me from your life, I think I should too. There's no better way than to put you aside from my life. Nu-uh, you're not gonna hurt me anymore. Your character in my story dies this moment.

Friends. When I thought that I have absolutely no friends, that I was all alone in a dark chilly place, something hit me that I was wrong. I do have friends. I do! I've realized the fact that even though my friends may not be able to comprehend me fully, may not know who I am truly on the inside, but they're the people who're willing to listen to all my rants about life, they're the people who're constantly laughing at my lame jokes. Oh, and I'm sorry if I annoy you with my excessive complaints and unfunny jokes.

Ever since that incident, it's become funny for me to see people struggling so hard to find, what they call, friends. Something just suddenly hit me that they're just part of your life. They could be obstacles and hurdles, they could be rainbows and gummy bears, they could be anything but never your everything. I stopped being upset just because my best friends don't know me well enough for I've found out that you can't expect people to know you inside out and still accept you fully. I'm sorry to break your little imagination bubble but I've come to comprehend that it's better to not expect something like that. The higher the expectations, the lower the serenity. Oh, of course, I'm not saying it's impossible to find a friend like that though, they're just rare. Like rare gems embedded inside slits of stones. Hard to find, therefore making them more precious than anything.

And I really can't blame anyone for not knowing me better. Because I don't open up easily. 'Easily' is still an understatement- I should say, I've never ever opened up to my friends. I just don't show people the way into my soul, because that's like my personal little secret. It's not that I don't trust anyone, but it's something that I feel that I shouldn't share with the world, it's just a little piece of me that makes me feel me. Call me fake or anything you want for not showing my true self to the world, but I'm still not gonna give you the key to my inner side. Well, I'm writing this down here cause nobody ever reads my blog. hahaha. And even if you do, you'd be a cyber friend I'll never be able to meet up. Haha.

But I truly wonder if my future soul mate (here I'm speaking of my ... boyfriend-slash-future husband) would be able to understand who I really am. If he doesn't, I think the other part of me would get sick of locking itself in this small dark attic that one day it'd just run away from me. Well I'm not asking too much of him, I don't need him to love every single bit of me, I just want him to know me. I would like someone to really comprehend me after all. To embrace me unconditionally and to be there for me through thick and thin. Haha I've never really told anyone about this, about how I want my ideal hubby to be. Kya, my prince is making his virgin appearance finally! :D Oh well, but I think love is this incredible thing. I could be in love with someone who's entirely the opposite of my prince. Who could explain why you love your mother so much anyways? It's just this inexplicable feeling, everyone could attest to that. Nevertheless, I'm still revealing my prince. Let's start with his looks - oh superficial me-.

1. He must look absolutely stunning with or without glasses. :)
2. He shall have the most perfect hair (i know the idea is kinda vague here but I don't know how his hair is supposed to be!)
3. He must be tall, but not too tall cause I'm short and the I'm sure the inferiority would kill me if I walk hand in hand with this awesomely tall guy. :( About 177cm would be perfect?
4. He shall have big hands to match his height. :D Okay, not too big, I don't want giant hands sprawling on my back at night.
5. He shall have apt-sized-muscles. Not too bulgy ones cause they scare the freak out of me.
6. He shall have toned abs. Dayum.
7. He must have sexy eyes. But I wish they'd be benevolent at the same time. Oh, but it's like some kind of oxymoron isn't it? Sexy kind eyes. hahah. I don't care, I want them.
8. He must have the perfect nose. Like Jaejoong's I guess. :D
9. His lips must be sexaaay. :D SHO SHEXAAY I COULD KISSH THEM ALL DAY.
10. Hmm, it's best if he plays the guitar or piano, and could sing. :D heh.

Down to the 'soul' part. :))
1. He must be smart. I'm sorry but I can't stand to be with ignorant people.
2. He must be kind.
3. He must be mature. Immature people piss me off.
4. He must be humorous. I need someone who could make me literally laugh my ass off. :( erm, maybe not literally cuz I won't have an ass to sit on by that time. D:
5. He must be a filial son and son-in-law.
6. He must be loving.
7. He must love me, duh.
8. He must be the one who can be with me through thick or thin. Yes. :)
9. He must be someone whom I can trust to let him see me cry on depressing nights.
10. He must be him. :))

Perfect place to meet him: In this 5-star-university or maybe at a some party with my friends? Ohmaigod. I'm drifting off to lala-land. 8D

Ugh. I'm actually disgusted by myself for listing out all these things. Perfectionist much? Haha. Let's see if my prince exists. :)

On a side note, I will never be the princess with long flowing flora-scented jet black hair with perfect curvatures and stunning features. I doubt that I could ever be a princess.

2011-10-15T01:01:00.000+08:00

Maybe God gave me what I wanted - To be alone amidst a crowd of people. And why am I complaining about it now? I should embrace it, fully embrace it.

Guess this is a part of my life. Loneliness. I shall bask in loneliness then.

I don't know what I want anymore.

2011-10-02T22:05:00.001+08:00

Damn. 2 hours wasted again. fuck.

2011-10-01T22:29:00.002+08:00

I need someone to save me from this living hell. Studying Sejarah sucks. :(

Man, what am I gonna doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?!

2011-09-27T15:50:00.000+08:00

I wasn't a good friend, now that I've noticed it. I was a betrayer even. A selfish person. In all, I'm a bitch. Maybe it's good that you've decided to walk away. Maybe I don't deserve any best friends since I'm such a selfish person. And yes, I admit it, I've gone overboard. Without noticing, I was the one who caused all the pain to myself, I was the one who messed myself up. No matter how many 'sorry's I made, won't fix the whole thing. Just hope that it would be sufficient to show you how sorry I am. :(

Damn I feel like shit right now.

I'm being the person whom I don't like at all. :(

Fuck.

They say she'd know that I'm really sorry if she's true, but is it true that someone would forgive me for saying all these things? Maybe the emotions were already bottled up and it's just exploding right now?
Damn.

2011-09-26T21:50:00.000+08:00

Guess I should lay this problem down for a moment. Maybe everything will go well if I don't try so hard anyways. Let's just wait and see where our fate's bringing us to. Because I refuse to tire myself by trying so hard and ending up empty handed again.

Focus, Meidelynn. One more year and you're out of this living hell.

2011-09-26T20:13:00.000+08:00

我一向来都不喜欢无病呻吟。但是如今的我却。。。违背了我当初的誓言。

到底是为什么？我不清楚。
或许是我我变了吧。我变得不像以前的我。但奇怪的是我觉得我更加像我了。好像我应该是这样的。好像以前的面貌只是一个很厚很华丽的面具。如今终于摘下了，却发现底下的那个样貌是多丑陋的。

唉。到底什么是什么？

如今的我已后悔当初为什么要伪装，现在已经来不及改换了。还要再等多一年。非常漫长的一年。我等得住吗？
我可以什么人都不管，什么话都不讲吗？
我可以。
换班吗？

句尾终究还是加了一个问号。恍然大悟，这些是永远都不会被解答的疑问。问了也是白费。

仰望苍穹。心揪了一下。不知为何。

最后，想说：思颖，谢谢你。虽然，有时还是会对你不满，但是谢谢你，我还是觉得你是我 “众多朋友中” 最了解我的一个。或者也可以这么说，你就是我的朋友。朋友这字，对我来说意义重大哟。即使我们不天天见面，即使我们不天天说笑，但我emo，你都知道。:') 也许你不会把我当作是你的知己，但是你还是我的知己。哈哈。:) 谢咯。

有些事情。

2011-09-26T02:40:00.001+08:00

现在是午夜2时30分。我的脑袋越夜越跃。思绪不能停止。那孱弱的躯壳好像快抵不住了。快要倒下了。阿。还能屹立不倒吗？我并不知道。

。。。

有些事情，

我不想做。但就是逼不得已得置身其内。

好久以前的美梦现在只是一场场我渴望停止的梦魇。颟顸的态度，何时才能改过阿？ugh.

2011-09-22T00:47:00.001+08:00

I.Really.Want.To.Win.This. yes.please.thank.you.

2011-09-19T20:11:00.001+08:00

阿。我要呕了。Bai.

2011-09-17T01:51:00.000+08:00

이 시간에자는해야, 근데 ,난 잠을 못해. 아 고톻!

아... 그래. 이 노래를 너무 촣아요 ~

1sagain 의우울해

Perfection

2011-09-16T01:20:00.001+08:00

I'd rather be a mundanely, boring perfect person than a messed up girl stranded in a chaotic life.

FML.
Oh wait, it is impossible for a mundane person to be perfect. Or shall I say, a perfect person to be mundane. Cause perfect people should be flawless.
They should be made of sugar and spice and everything nice
My oh my, that makes the powerpuff girls perfect people!
Oh no, they're not even people. They're just perfect. But they're not people.

What to do?
Who am I to be?
Where should I go ?
No, I dont know!

**
I envy those who have aims.
I envy those who knows what they want.
I envy those who don't care about what people think.
I envy those who know who they are.
I envy those who are not me.

fml.

Dreams

2011-09-09T17:10:00.000+08:00

Had a perpetual headache that nearly killed me. Couldn't endure the pain any longer so I swallowed a pill just to suppress my brain from bursting. Well, it did help, but the thing is, I could still feel something crawling inside my brain, like it's waiting for a chance to make my brain burst into pieces. Oh darn.

I found out that I do not have the right to be grumbling about my life at this point. Cause it was me who let myself sink into this never ending pool of failure and it was me who didn't want to pick myself up and get myself back on track. I have practically, unwoven myself. I guess it is true that if we don't help ourselves, no one has the ability to help us, not even God. Sometimes we don't realize that people are offering a helping hand, but we unconsciously push them aside just because we're too afraid to change. Le sigh, and failure would come next, before you know it.

Ah, time flies, It was August a few weeks back and it's September now. Am I stating the obvious? D: Oh yes, I am. But I just can't believe how time flies. I still remember the first day I stepped into secondary school, and it felt like entering the kindergarten for the first time all over again. I could still remember it clearly, a hybrid of emotions hit me. My heart was pounding from excitement and fear and my head was throbbing from the curiousness. I started my first day not knowing what lies ahead of me, and to slowly find out that I hate this place. I still do hate it right now. Dragging my tired body to school every morning is simply torturing. And the people I meet there aren't helping much, instead some of them helped to nurture the sense of hatred towards the school. I don't get it, why I hate the place so much. Maybe it's just because there's a monster in me, because to be honest, I don't think the school has ever been mean to me. I just couldn't help but to hate it. Anyways, I'm a bit amazed that I've survived for three years in this living hell. And still counting. Of course, there are times where I find myself loving it. But those times come rarely. The first time I felt it was when we lost to Convent by a few marks in Choral Speaking. It hurt to know that our hard work didn't pay off and all we wanted was to prove to the world (okay, maybe not the world, but to our district) that people from a Chinese school could excel in this too. But we failed, I know. And the second time was when we lost to Ibrahim in Drama. I remember that we sang our school anthem after receiving our second-place trophies. Seriously, it was the first time I felt something while singing the school anthem. I didn't even bother to sing it during assembly and sometimes would make fun of it but that day, we were all breaking down while singing it and surprise, surprise, we were the people who once claimed to hate our school back then. It occurred to me that maybe it's because we love ourselves so much that we had no choice but to love where we came from when we face competitors from other 'kingdoms'. Sigh. We really thought we were winning this, but for some reason, we still didn't manage to beat THE mighty Ibrahim. There are times when I wanted to transfer, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. And losing to Ibrahim is one of the reasons why I decided to stay back. I wanted to show them that we too could be the champions, and I'm still dying to sing 'We Are The Champions' on the way back to our school cause everytime when we come back from competitions, we're always feeling so very down. I have one more chance, one more year, to fulfill this dream and I don't know if I can manage to climb up to the top in these few months, but I'd try my best to do it. I'm relying on choir right now, which I really suck at. :( I love singing, but heck I suck at it, I'm still off-tune sometimes. An off-tune alto is the last person our choir needs. There's going to be another audition this Saturday, hope I could get through it. Gah. Someone help me get the tune right please.

A few days back I read that there were youngsters who had been cycling-travelling (I do not know the exact phrase for that sorry) all across the country. One had even cycled from London to Germany. I love travelling, looking at places I've never seen before, going into the tunnel of time, discovering their history, knowing their people. So I have a brand new dream now, cycle-travel around Malaysia and to other countries too. Maybe Europe, just like what that that guy did. Sigh, but my parents won't let me do it. They said that crime rates are high these years and doing this is equivalent to suicide. But I know one day, fosho, I'd be on my bike, travelling across countries. :)

Oh, and of course, I want to change the world too. Scoff at me, but you shall regret. Cause I'll rule the world and chop your heads off. Okay, that's just a joke. Don't take me seriously. No wait, the part where I sad I wanna chop your heads off is a joke, but changing the world is not.

Another thing that I would want to do would be making a video.

Period.

I think I should save up the explanations. Cause people often say that 'saying is a thing, doing it is another.' So, I shall now shut up and get my butt of this chair and stop being a lazy brat.

Flaws

2011-08-26T02:12:00.002+08:00

The laziness I've always wanted to banish is still here, residing in me. The roots are getting stronger day by day. UGH. What is happening? Have I been nurturing them all this while? /le sigh.
And let me tell you something, amazing animes, awesome mangas, tumblr and facebook isn't helping a tad bit in my major project of getting rid of the laziness in me. Instead, they're providing so much nutrients to it until it's sufficient for the roots to grow so strong and grasp so tightly on my soul. I can't even whimper, I won't even budge. No matter how hard I try to get rid of it, it's still there. Like it's a part of me. Somebody, get me an exorcist who has the ability to get rid of this satan (sorry, I've been watching Blue Exorcist. LOL)

The prove of me being a lazy person is that I procrastinate A LOT. I never finish my homework earlier than the due date, which is a very bad thing to have being a student. And I believe that everyone knows what's wrong with them, but they will have to choose whether they want to change or leave it just as it is. I would kill someone to change my personality, but it's hard for a person like me, a person without perseverance. Hence this leads me to my next flaw - I HAVE NO PERSEVERANCE. That's the BIGGEST flaw of all. If I can overcome this big , those problems I've stated up there will never exist. I will skip giving examples on how I have no perseverance because the list will make your eyes bulge out of your socket.

Apart from that, I'm also someone who is irresponsible. Believe me. I suck at holding responsibilities. That is why I'm always in a war with the people around me. Especially my mom, who has endured my igonorance for 16 years. I feel deeply sorry for them. :( Truly, I am. And I am so damn insensitive that one of my closest friend, who is ultimately sensitive feels that I'm a totally insensitive bitch. That explains why she hates me so much sometimes. I totally understand because if I were in her shoes, I would get pretty mad at the person who I am now too. For example... okay, forget it, I don't think you wanna know the stories. They're long and meaningless. Plus they're just really microscopic things anways. Sigh, it's just that I hope she would understand me one day, that I have no bad intentions at all. I'm just forgetful, and... irresponsible. That explains it all. But I would have to thank her for being my friend because being a friend of hers reminds me of all my flaws, in a good way. Hope our friendship never dies, despite the fights we've been through. Le sigh (yes, again).

Based on the emo posts I've written throughout the year, I've made up a conclusion, 2011 is a burdensome year. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I've been changing into an annoying ignorant awfully insensitive irresponsible brat slowly day by day, because as long as I could remember, I never had to worry about being someone like that in the past (Oh wait, I did have to worry about being irresponsible, for I tend to misplace my books very often, not to mention the fact that I can never find them anywhere again irks me the most.). Or, it could be this way, I've always been a brat but I've never noticed it until this year. Is this the sign of me growing up?! OHMYGOD. Please tell me that I am, because I've just been told by my chinese teacher that I am quite immature for a 16 years old.

Sometimes, being alone isn't that bad after all.

But the thing is, it's always better to be alone from the very start of your life than to have many friends in the beginning and have them walk away from you, leaving you in a state of utter mess.

~~Wow, and I can't believe that I flinched at the word 'friend'.~~

August

2011-08-18T01:52:00.003+08:00

Hello August! I know this is a late 'hi', it's already mid-august. Haha. What to do? I had ditched my blog for so long!

Okay, I technically have nothing to blog about. I don't feel especially emo, no high stress level, and my life is just so mundane - hence my disappearance in the blogger world.

And I can't believe that I don't tumblr that much anymore and had halted my crazy fangirling for quite some time already. It's not that I've lost the passion for Kpop, but the new groups don't catch my eyes at all, I'm sorry to say that. :( I miss the old Kpop scene when DBSK was still active. *Heaves a deep sigh* They're doing pretty good seperately now, but they're still the best when they're all together. :( IDK how many times I've repeated this. Sorry. I think all of you get it now. I shall remind myself not to repeat this again. D: Which seems impossible to me. HAHAHA.

Oh, and the China kids that came to our school were treated like stars. Everyone was grabbing the chance to take a picture with them, oh well, lots of them did succeed. Haha, but too bad, I only got a few pictures with them that were taken by a photographer that is NOT active on facebook. I'm just wondering how'd I get my hands on those pictures. GAH. Didn't really get to know any of them. Lost that precious chance. Can I turn the time back pretty please? I need to have a friend from China! Who knows, I'd go there one day for a backpack trip. And having a friend overseas is always a plus point for a backpack traveller! YOU GET FREE ACCOMMODATION! Alas, I was too much of a coward to go and approach them. But at the same time I didn't want to look like a sampat sua gu anyways, walking behind them, stalking them, like I've never seen people from China. Haha. I initially thought they were all arrogant brats but they turned out to like Malaysia! They look bored in our school by the way so I expected them to treat this trip as nothing, but since I've checked out their WeiBos (their Facebook cum Tumblr in China), all their statuses were about Malaysia! My heart just tingled up with warmness to see that they actually like us! Despite us being such sampat stalkers. OR MAYBE that's just some acting to cover up their arrogance. OHMYGOD. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME. WHY CAN'T I SEE THE GOOD SIDE OF PEOPLE?! Bah.

Okay, and apart from the 'China kids invade our school' topic, there isn't much to blog about. Yes, cause my life is just bland like this. Can't wait for December to arrive though! I'm pretty sure December's gonna be a month full of adventure and fun! :D

Well, that's all for now! :D IT'S 01:51 AM RIGHT NOW AND I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT 6 TOMORROW. Sigh, insomnia is kicking in. :( I should sleep earlier tomorrow.

Goodnight peeps.

我。。。

2011-08-14T00:50:00.000+08:00

好久没有用华语写帖子了。:( 今天就允许我和我亲爱的华语聊聊天吧。

我需要：
动力。
我最近变得太懒了。是我太累了吗？我并不那么觉得。而且我不想找借口。因为就算是累，也可以很努力，对吧？可我呢？shit. 就是这样，没有理由地一直懒下去。成绩考得很不出其地差。和我预期的差不多。不过还好吧，至少有几科是考得不错的。XD

年终考就快到了。唉，我非常，十分需要一股能推动我的力量。

从高处跌下来的那种痛是入骨的。而在越高的地方跌下来，就会越疼。

我看见了
有人非常戏剧性地大吵了起来
哈哈，我没事做到去关注人家吵架的进展。太懒了我。有时间应该去做多点高数练习。:(
不过看他们在面子书上大吵特吵的样子，也是一种娱乐。而我不由自主地大笑了起来。

其实我是很想问你：你有没有想过是自己的错呢？依我来看，他们根本就没有想和你吵的意愿吧，而是你，不断地撩他们，让他们愤怒地爆发了。BUT! 这种事，我不宜多说。我是个外人，你们自个儿处理吧。我在旁儿看戏咯！oooh, 袖手旁观。

我期待
12月的到来。
如果一切都顺利的话。。。我相信。2011年十二月的这个旅程，将会是我一生当中最美丽的刹那。
尽管在那旅程中会遇到什么障碍物，我相信它还是一样，会是甜滋滋的。因为它终究给我这个平凡的灵魂带来一点刺激嘛！
尽管当我从那旅途回来时又是回到原来的我，我相信我依然不会忘记那段旅程。因为，它是辛苦赚来的。况且是免费的。阿哈哈。
哦，还有，那次去参加的2日营，也带给了我许多改变咧！虽然没有什么很好玩很好玩的游戏，但至少我们都过得充实。那两天里，让我大开眼界，认识了从各州的朋友，认识了不同性格的朋友；让我体会了不少温暖，也一样的，体会到了人心的冷漠与无情。:)

我听到
住隔壁的阿婆又再喃喃自语了。
是的，我隔壁住着一个会喃喃自语的阿婆。说她疯了吗？有好像不是。有时还会和我妈妈打招呼，还会跟她孙子说说话。说她不疯，又好像不对。总之，她就是不正常吧。
她儿子~~很孝顺~~挺不错。愿意和她一起住。还特地装修了屋子，在房子的后院里弄了一间小房间让她睡。这，该说他孝顺吗？我也不晓得。不过，没把自己的妈妈一个人丢在乡村里应该是不错吧。而且，听说他妈妈年轻时，很凶恶，才会导致神经线受损，沦落到这种半疯半正常的状态。
不知道是该可怜她还是羡慕她呢。至少，她疯了，什么事情都不用管，不必介意别人的眼神，要说什么就说什么。或是说，根本不知道自己在做什么吧。呵。
在这里补充一下，晚上（尤其是半夜时分），听到她自言自语时确实是会令人毛骨悚然的。
通常，她的情況會在月娘露出完整的臉時嚴重化。這可是有科學根據的。

我想要
改變自己。
但我曾經讀過籐井樹這麽寫過：

人生不會因為失去什麼，或是獲得什麼就變得比較好。因為你永遠是你，能讓你更好的人只有你自己。- 藤井樹《微雨之城》

就算你這麽說：“就是因爲有了“某某東西”你變得更好了”，也是你自己爭取機會取得來的阿。

沒有你自己，你怎麽會變得更好咧？哈哈。

嗯，吳子云，你的這句話，非常有道理。

只有你自己才能夠讓你變得更好。

我想說
能不能夠做一首新的老歌？
Confused? :D 意思是用老歌的曲風來製作一首新的歌。明白了嗎？:D

因爲經典名曲歌唱大賽時，唱來唱去的老歌就只有那幾首。
無可否認，那些老歌經過了時間的考驗，依然屹立不倒，依然悅耳動聽；只是，如果有一首新的老歌浮出世面，應該會很吸引人吧。哈哈。

就。到此爲止吧。

希望明天的我不要再這麽懶惰了！打起十二分精神來！向高考衝刺！！！！阿！！！！！！！！！！！！！

Amy Winehouse and music.

2011-08-07T00:01:00.006+08:00

I've always loved and admired her. I know this is kinda late, but R.I.P. :) No matter how bad you performed recently, I still love your music. Guess that's what matters most huh? :)

You're not the most perfect role model, but still, I look up to you. A girl who lives up to her dream is someone worth to be looked up to in my personal opinion. :)

T_______T How I wish I had a voice like hers. :'(

My first Amy Winehouse song. Pure Amazingness.

Another favourite. <3

Just friends. It was to be said that this song is about her duality (credits to Kvalentiification@yotuube)

I think somehow it's true.

Amy Winehouse. Yes, you are one of the greatest musicians of all.

Oh, and here's a bonus video, by NEETA AND RAYMOND. My awesome amazing drama friends. SUPER TALENTED I TELL YOU. GAH. LOVE THEM.

OH, OH, AND THOSE WHO KNOW ME WILL KNOW THAT I LOVE JAZZY MUSIC. And thanks to KATHRYN, I got to know Norah Jones. hahaha. LOVE HER. :D

My current fav from Norah Jones.

L-O-V-E by Nat King Cole

My all-time fav. XD

2011-08-03T23:21:00.001+08:00

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I AM IN LOVE WITH A MANGA CHARACTER. hahahaha.

Yeah, I'm a geek, I admit it. DEAL WITH IT GUYS. DEAL WITH IT.

And here I present to you,
Hatake Kakashi

我呸

2011-07-25T19:36:00.001+08:00

对不起。我讨厌政治。
Sorry, I hate politics.
Maaf, saya benci politik.
மன்னிக்க வேண்டும், நான் அரசியலில் வெறுக்கிறேன்
माफ करना, मैं राजनीति से नफरत

Cheh, Bersih? All the parties joining, stop acting like you're very bersih, cause I do know what you want is not just justice, but all u want is people to love you and think that you're good and stuff. kononnya u nak justice. i pui.

Cheh, Kerajaan? Stop acting. Like seriously. Me not liking the bersih campaign DOES NOT mean that im supporting you. You ARE NOT worth supporting. All you do is disappoint us.

OMG I THINK I SHOULD RULE MALAYSIA. THAT'S HOW AMAZING I AM. hahahaha.

Just saying. Sorry. I tak tau I akan kena tangkap not. It's just my piece of mind. Shrugs.

2011-07-19T18:26:00.002+08:00

I am uninspired. I miss having things to write. Rah.

Sports Day 2011

2011-06-27T20:11:00.005+08:00

Live on, Don't die.

2011-06-02T13:41:00.002+08:00

"WHY SO EMO LATELY?" hahahaha. That's what April aka Chickenz said to me, twice. Haha, I'm not normally that emo. Plus, most of my friends have never seen the emo side of me pun.

This is me, at normal times:

I feel so damn bad for showing the emo side of me to some of my friends. SORRY, Yours sincerely. I know how annoying I am when I'm emo. SHEESH. hahah. Hey but guess what? I'M FEELING BETTER RIGHT NOW!

Oh, and just asking, is there anybody here who knows how to insert the expand and collapse feature in blog posts, please tell me how to do it! :D thankyou so much!

By the way, that's not the point.

My point is,
teenagers who are feeling emo, DO NOT do stupid stuff like killing yourself a.k.a commiting suicide. YOU WILL GET BETTER. Well, maybe not now, not instantly, but you will. One day. If you seek help and talk about your problems, I know you will recover. Just be patient, ~~trust me, you don't wanna miss out all the wonderful things in life.~~ Ooh, this is starting to sound cliché.

As you could see, articles about people diving down from buildings, slitting their own wrists, shoving pills in their throats are duplicating. And most of the times, teenagers are the main characters. Well, I used to think those people are brainless selfish monsters, hurting the people they love, but then I finally understood how they felt. I'm not going to lie, there was once when I thought there was no better way to end my pain, my frustrations, other than death, and I was so tired of being brave, facing all the 'obstacles' in life, I just wanted everything to end. To literally end. But well, apparently, I did not do so. But the feeling still lingers within me though. Sometimes, I would feel so fragile, and helpless I just want somebody to KILL ME. But that feeling dies down eventually. For me it does. I know what you guys who are depressed out there are gonna say now: "Oh, now that she's feeling better, she forgot how bad it felt like, to be alone and helpless." That's completely wrong I would tell you that. I will never forget the feeling of loneliness. And till now, I still feel lonely, even when I'm surrounded with "friends", even if I'm crowded by lots of lots of people. But after I've done some serious thinking, it isn't something WORTH to be sad and depressed about. Just put on a thinking cap, and calm yourself down. At some point, you would be thinking: "So what if I'm lonely? I still have myself to live for!" So I've come to a conclusion: when you feel lonely, just think of it this way - YOU HAVE YOURSELF. Everybody's got a friend in their own souls. :) It's contradicting, I know, because being alone is being all by yourself, with nobody there to help you, but somehow thinking of it that way does help me hold on in life.

Oh, and have you ever thought of it that, sometimes, committing suicide may look like we want everything to end, like we're tired of our living our lives. But actually, what we really want is a new fresh start - a life without scars. And what you really want to end is the pain and agony. Again, it's contradicting. Ending a life just because you want a new start.

There's a thing I must say, I hate it when people use this phrase on emo kids. 少年不知愁滋味，为赋新词强说愁。It's an old chinese saying, meaning: young people pretend to know about what "worrying" really feels like, just to write it for poetry. You get the meaning right? But to me, we do know about worrying. We have lots of things to be worried about, mind you. But maybe to others, what we worry about are stupid things. You're not us, you will never know what it feels like to be worrying about the stuff we're worrying about. And sometimes it's just so tiring to answer questions like : HOW ARE YOU? HOW ARE YOU DOING? And you would have to say: I'm fine. You're not obligated to do so, but you're accustomed to saying that. It just comes out from your mouth naturally. Or not, you would have to explain WHY you're not doing good and so on. Well, if you do, that person would probably tell you: "It's gonna be fine. Oh, why are you worrying about that?" Then, he or she'll shoot you a weird look, saying WHY ISN'T SHE FINE? SHE LOOKS FINE. And then, the clichéd crap starts all over again. Blah Blah Blah.

So, don't give a damn about what other people say, I know it gets tiring after a while, when nobody understands you. But just DON'T GIVE UP. No matter what. No matter how SHITTY your life is, it's worth living. Treat it like a tv show, or a book. Keep on watching it, keep on reading it. And please, bear in mind that there ARE people who will be able to understand how tough life is. (Look at those African women and you'd understand) Please, do remember that we're all struggling to live a happy life. Everyone is. Nobody's entirely happy and perfect. Okay, I get it, maybe yours is shittier than most of the people, but the shittier your life is, the more drama there is. Which means, your story is worthier than others. So live on and tell your story. Live on and tell people what you're made of. :)

Show people that YOU'RE IMMORTAL.

____________________________________________________________________

Recently, my friend's mom passed away. I don't know how she's doing but what I know is if I were her, I would be tired. Completely exhausted. People wrote on her facebook wall (yes, including me), telling her to be strong, and keep holding on. What amazed me was how she'd reply each and every one of them, with well, quite the same answer as people wrote the same things like... "Hey girl, you have to stay strong, we'll be there for you" Then she'd reply: "I will try my best to recover. Thanks." and stuff like that. If I were her, I won't be able to reply all the wall posts. I'd just deactivate my facebook account instead. But she braved it all. She even wrote: I will never collapse, I still have lots to face. I will make my mom proud.

Look what a girl she is. :) But it's true, sometimes, people who look strong, are really fragile in the inside. We never know. Nobody knows. nu-uh.

Guess that's all for today. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS POST. Gah. hahahaha. Oh whatever, it's just something I wanted to write and rant about.

To those who read every single word of this post THANKS. :)

2011-05-30T16:08:00.002+08:00

Adding a teacher on facebook is never NEVER a good thing. If you have a facebook, keep it low. Don't let your teachers know about it. Cuz you'd get into deep trouble if you do add one of your teachers, especially those who are amazingly annoying.

FML.

2011-05-17T00:10:00.002+08:00

hi guys. :D i'm just trying out some new features of blogger.
It's nothing. HAHAHA. but it's cool! :D

you get to preview your post! :D

2011-05-15T22:54:00.004+08:00

Here's a small little rhyme I wrote while sitting for my BM paper. It was ... insignificant, meaningless and random. And last but not least, boring. Well, I was bored, just forgive me will you? *wink*

Blah.

The sunken ships have awoken

The sun has risen

Skeletons walked

Zombies talked

Ghosts cried

Vampires died

What a quirky world

Everything's going backwards

I feel myself falling over

on top of rotten meat and vegetables

It gave out a nasty stench

which made me sound like a wench (it's rude, i know)

but hell, who cares?

I'm screwed up anyways!

Will I fall back into place?

Can I continue this race?

Oh well, I know I will one day,

but for now I will have to endure feeling this way.

Just Keep Holding On.

2011-05-14T11:32:00.007+08:00

I'm not usually this emo. It's just this time. Just let me lash out? Sorry.

Sometimes I just feel so tired. So tired that I want everything to end. So tired that I wish I could just lie in bed all day and do nothing. Literally nothing at all. And let all the scars mend by themselves. I know it sounds emo, but that's just how I feel recently. I just couldn't pretend that I'm okay, cause I really ain't. I admit it, mood swings got the hold of me. And it sucks. Dont like it at all. Not at all.

There are times when I wished I were someone else. Someone that's better than me. I don't need to be perfect, I just want to be like that person, who's better than me in everything. The one who can accomplish everything he or she wants in his or her life. Because I just feel so screwed up, like I'm in a mess. Like I'm suspended on a branch that's about to break and I would fall off from that cliff eventually. In the end, I'd be broken. I'd be in pieces. My ribs will pierce through my heart and lungs, leaving me in a total mess.

It hurts when I look around and I see people with happy faces, laughing and joking with their friends like they have no worries. But then I look at myself, and see how messed up I am. I'll just take this for instance, my homework is all in a mess. But my friends? They've got it all NEATLY done. Seriously, I will never be able to do that. My work is always a mess, no matter how hard I try. I just don't understand how they're capable of doing everything so nicely and neatly. Gah. And what? My teachers (especially TLMay) are blaming co-curriculum activities for making me this way. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Oh, well, I hate to admit it but it makes me a tad bit guilty for joining too many activities. But to be honest, I didn't regret joining them at all. I just HATE the criticisms made by teachers and friends. And hello, it's not like I didn't finish your work. Why do you keep bashing me like that? SHIT. SO HERE, I DEDICATE THIS SONG TO YOU, TEACHERS WHO'VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME JOINING CCA - LOSER LIKE ME.

You may say that I'm a freakshow (I don't care)
But, hey, give me just a little time
I bet you're gonna change your mind

It's understandable that my teachers don't like me joining so many activities, but what about you friends? I thought you'd just be able to understand me. It'd make things better if you'd say:"it's okay if you join them, there's nothing wrong at all." but apparently, none of my friends think that way, instead, they'd blurt out:"why'd you join them? you'd miss so many classess... blahhh blahhh" WOW GREAT.

BUT. It's great that my mom did NOT say a thing about the co-curriculum activities, instead she's been supporting me all these days. :') Thank you mom. <3 I just hope my grades won't dissapoint her. x( However, haha, I would like to clarify that IF my grades are sucky for this term's exams, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME JOINING CO-CURRICULUM ACTIVITIES. Honestly, I don't get how it affects my grades. Instead it makes me feel worthy. It's like I'm needed. That's the feeling I've been seeking for, and no, I don't feel it when I'm stuck in class, when I'm doing nothing.

I'm grateful for having a mom that pretty much understands me, but sometimes I do wonder if she knows that I love her. Cause I am aware that I don't speak politely to my mom at times, and she'd get pissed at me. I know how rude I can be at times, but that's just the way I speak. I love you mom, and I really do hope that you would, one day understand that. And IT HURTS ME SO MUCH when you say that I don't love you; when the truth is I really do.

There are times when I'd shout at you, but truthfully, deep down in my heart, I love you so much. And I thank you so much for (I know this is gonna be cliche, but it is true okay?) being there for me when I needed you, for being my guidance all this while, for loving me so much. A mother's love is unconditional - and I'm a lucky girl that gets to experience a love so mighty like that. And, just, SORRY. Sorry for being so rude to you. I wonder when will this filthy mouth of mine would change. But for the time being, just please, bear with me? I really want to change. :'( Sorry, mom, sorry.

Gah. I guess I really am screwed up. Jeez. I just want to show my teachers that I can do it even if I participate in co-curriculum activities. I do. But I don't think I'm capable. Add maths, Maths, Physics and History is killing me.

Can I make everything alright? Can I be strong? Two more days till exams start. Great. Wish me luck guys.

I fall. No one's able to fix me. In the end.

It doesn't even matter how hard I try. In the end, it doesn't even matter.

2011-05-04T22:59:00.000+08:00

reallywannatalktoyou,butidon'tknowhow. D':

Gratitude

2011-04-29T23:54:00.006+08:00

:) It's good to know there's someone out there willing to listen to all your rantings and crap.

So here's a big THANKS to:

Mommy, Daddy, Mei Mei, Sze Ying, Yi Jun, Wan Xin, Catherine, Sin Jou, Sze Khey, Cheng Yee, Che Rui, Amber, Tumblr, and Facebook friends and last but not least, You. :)

Thanks to all of you for helping me during the days when I felt down, just by listening and trying to cheer me up. Thank you for calming down the raging waves in me and showing me that I'm not alone after all! It is such a great honor to have you guys by my side. To have you guys guiding me in my life, and telling me it's okay to be me, and that no one should tell me what and who I am. Just, thank you so much.

And lastly, I just wanna say sorry to all of you, if I have ever offended you guys (which I think I have). Haha. But I just want you guys to know that you will always be in my heart.

This post may be short, but I really do mean it. :) Thank you. Just, THANK YOU.

And expressing gratitude really did help in cheering me up. Haha. Just felt better. All the emoness I've been feeling for these past few weeks have been kicked aside just by thanking you guys! HAHAHA.

什么是什么？

2011-04-11T21:25:00.005+08:00

好久没用华文写东西了。本人华文造诣非常低。近几年也没有进步，所以，想refresh一下。哈。哈。

寂静。寂寞。

什么是什么？

我被自己骗过去了。

errr....有吗？

。。。

好像。。。

没有。

哈哈。希望真的没有吧。

人哦。真可笑。你，明明就是和你所说的那些人没什么两样。哈。哈。哈。哈。还不知羞耻地，去like了我的status. 真的让我无言。（其实我早就有预感你会去like了啦，而且还会同意我所说的一切。因为你已经是众所周知的muka tembok!）哈。哈。哈。

其实我也并不讨厌你。就。。。觉得你很可笑啊。你明明就是像你嘴里所说的"三八婆"半斤八两。何必批评人家咧？哈。我真的摸不着头脑，一个仅仅14岁的小孩童竟然能够做出如此可笑的举动。真的好。。。很。。。我也不知道怎么形容阿。哈哈。词穷。词穷。

我到如今才真正发现到- 我并不能像以往一样24/7地那么疯狂，那么地hyper. 我曾经有过的精力都躲到哪儿了阿？

可是，我好像习惯了现在的我；也渐渐的爱上她了。（是。我就是那么自恋。哈！）

而且，请注意。我。不。是。小。丑。

我知道我很搞笑，我知道我很滑稽，我知道我很厉害。但是！我并没那个必要特地表演给你看。我喜欢什么时候做就什么时候做。需要你来指挥我吗？她爸的你当我是你谁阿？

以后谁要我特地表演的，一人请给我一百令吉。你朋友--我，就是那么大牌阿！我的每个深邃的表情，每个说话的语调都是很值钱的。你想看；你想听。请排队。还有。是必须付钱的。

除了当我心血来潮想给表演时，才免付费。

切。

肤浅的你们。

在这儿，要特别感谢思颖。:) 谢谢你救了我。在此向你叩头。哈哈。

哇。我写的这些到底是什么阿？

什么是什么？！

2011-04-11T21:22:00.000+08:00

I desperately crave for a time machine
to go back to the days when I was fifteen
when everything was so much simpler
when the days ahead weren't such a blur.

Hi there, 2011.

2011-04-05T00:28:00.004+08:00

It's been a long time since I've blogged about my life. So here it goes, it's kinda boring but this is for myself. :) You can ignore it.

中四。

heh. My glory days are long gone (As if those days existed, oh but to me, they did). :')

这让我哭笑不得。也许我真的快疯了。

It's true that they're gone. How does the chinese proverb go again? Something that says every year there'll be someone better than you. You'll never be on the top forever. I confess, I've never been on the top, but I was in the middle though, and was satisfied with it. However, 好景不常在. I always knew that the day would come. The day when I'd drop. But I've never expected it to happen to me so soon. And now, I'm nothing. Absolutely N.O.T.H.I.N.G. Just a speck of dust waiting to be blown away. And one day, no one would know that I've ever existed.

Physics, chemistry, biology and add maths, making my brain all misty. Couldn't even get a grasp of what I'm putting inside my brain. D:

And Form 4 people should be feeling sipek busy right? But surprise surprise, I'm not one of them. D: I think I'm supposed to be busy, but I just refuse to. D: It's absurd. With all the CCAs going on in my life, it should be making me busier, but IDK what's wrong with me, I just don't feel any business in my life. Look at me, I'm still sitting here, posting a crappy post. Maybe I should get my things done .... maybe later. Procrastination's holding me back you know. D: No, wait, I'm wrong. I'm the only one who's holding myself back. I'm getting in my own way. That's bad. Very bad. Gah.

And neways, the love for "Chen Qi Zhen" is back. I mean she's amazing. Superbly awesome. She's like the combination of sweet and bitter. Oh no, more like the chinese phrase, 甜而不腻. She's just like that. With a voice that's clear and still as a quiet pool and a face that's embedded with simple beauty, she makes the other artistes look superficial. :) She doesn't even need great singing skills to win over my heart (which doesn't happen often). Just listening to her and her guitar would make me melt. Everytime I listen to her, bitterness would overwhelm me. Then the sweetness would take over. I just love how she does that to me everytime. :)

I don't know what I'm feeling right now. But what I know is that it sure is feeling good. :) Not expecting you to feel the same, but still. :')

2011-04-04T23:38:00.001+08:00

FB is no longer a safe place for me. D: and now I realized that hmm, it's better to keep things to yourself than voicing it out. gah.

2011-03-29T18:38:00.002+08:00

"...... and the winner is Ibrahim Secondary School, Sungai Petani. This is the seventh year that this school team has won this debate at the district level. It has been the district champion for 7 consecutive years."

Saw this on facebook. Don't fret, SinMin-ians Sin Min'll be back in no time. We'll be sharpening our swords and we'll show you what we're made of. Next year. Always keep the faith. :)

But honestly, Ibrahim were the best, it's undeniable, good job Ibrahim debaters. :) But still, *shrugs* beware of Sin Min next year. *wink wink*

(We made a mistake this year and missed our chance.)

Future

2011-03-24T00:53:00.010+08:00

I can't help but to write about this. It may be mundane, but forgive me, this is just for me.

Looking at all the former Sin Min students standing in the corner, waiting anxiously for their results makes me nervous as well too. In 3 years time, I'd be standing there. *gasp* Having the same inexplicable feeling. That feeling, I call it the *"ai lao sai lao beh chut"(hokkien) type of feeling. *translated to english: the feeling of having diarrhea and constipation, both at the same time.

Yes, I experienced it twice; the time when I was waiting for my UPSR and PMR results, but I'm sure that the feeling of waiting for your SPM results is definitely different. UPSR and PMR are just specks of dust, whereas SPM is the Sun, the Moon, the Earth, the EVERYTHING.

Okay, not really EVERYTHING. But to me, what you get in your SPM is just like a bridge. It's a bridge that helps you crossover to the side that you want to. As there's a huge gap between high school and the society. Without a strong bridge, you'd fall. Maybe you're lucky; you have a long river with lots of floating logs below you. So let's say you really do fall, but somehow was lucky enough to grab a few floating logs and sit on it. However, you'd still feel defeated, you'd still feel the pain, the agony growing inside you. You'd probably take a long time to recover. Strong people would recover fast and get going, but there are some, who are weak. There are people who don't have enough willpower to stand up once more. What will happen to these people? Would they be swept by the strong currents of the stream? And worse, would they drown, suffocate and eventually die; as their souls seep cautiously into the waters? It's agonizing even when I'm imagining this. I wouldn't want to be part of them, but everything is an unknown. I may be there, drowning with all those unfortunate people. Oh well, maybe we won't even live till that day. *shrugs* The world's ending soon, "experts" say.

And for those who crossed over successfully with the aid of the strong bridges they have, congrats. But! *let me quote Giddens: But! is the most powerful and scariest word in life*
They will be shocked for everything's different on the other side! New challenges await them. New problems are there to be solved. Tapi biasalah tu, that's expected pun dah. Life is full of challenges, that's what people always say. And anyways, the bridge is going to be demolished once you've crossover. Everything's different on the other side, I often hear people say. It doesn't matter how many A+s you've got in the past, what matters most NOW is how you'll do on the other side - where thorns are even sharper, where the wind is even colder. The thorns so sharp that it would cut through your flesh and make you bleed like your aorta is burst. The wind so cold that it would make its way down your spine and seep into your bones. And again, strong people would not be defeated and would keep on going, with their heads held high; but also, there would be some that couldn't withstand all the suffering and would eventually give up. It's such a waste for those who give up. Gah, it's so easy to say 'not to give up'. But what's scary is that I don't know if I'm able to keep on going despite all this suffering. (If I ever manage to get to the other side) D; Eek.

Well, I'd stop here. It's 01:36a.m. right now, and my brain's not functioning properly. Only till now have I realized that everything just I typed above was so contradicting. XD Not to mention confusing. XD That's just my style, I guess. *shurgs for the second time*

____________________________________________________________________

and oh yeah, see that 1 comment on the previous post? I GOT SO HAPPY WHEN I SAW IT AND WAS LITERALLY JUMPING FOR JOY! Was thinking of how sweet it was to have someone to comment on your post. So I clicked it, and guess what I found?!

"WHOEVER DISLIKES THIS IS GOING TO REGRET"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
MEidelynn said.

I'VE TOTALLY FORGOTTEN THAT I COMMENTED ON MY OWN POST. Yes, that's how forgetful I am. -_____________-

And that stupid smiley face I drew on Paint that I picked as my DP was smiling annoyingly at me. It looks so dumb and so less amazing all of a sudden. (cause I've always liked it very much! XD)

A gift for my best friend on V-day. :D

2011-02-13T23:47:00.002+08:00

I posted this as my status on facebook a few months(?) ago:

"I miss my best friend - Holidays :'( when are you going to come back, Holi?! I MISS YOU SO FREAKING MUCH I COULD DIE."

And the response was quite great so I guess it's time to confess my love to her with a rhyme. :)) Plus hey, tomorrow's valentine's day! It's so appropriate to write a poem for my beloved friend , I insist! Love isn't just a feeling you feel for an opposite sex, it could be that affection you feel towards a dear friend, am I right?

On this particular day when love is said to be everywhere, I'd like to thank a special person who has brought so many joyous moments into my life. Despite her being so great, I kinda dislike her for always going back to her kampung so fast. :( She's now back there enjoying herself I think, but haha, she's coming to visit me on this Tuesday again. But she could only stay for a day. I just couldn't wait for our next meet-ups! :D

Oh right, I should now present to you my gift for Holi. 8)

Oh Holi Dear ♥

If you ask me who's my best friend

I'd say Holi, I won't pretend

She's the closest friend I've ever had

The sweetest one I've ever met

Her middle name is actually Jolly

Which fits her as she brings joy whenever she meets me

Anything is possible when you're with her

Sometimes even magic will occur

But some may say she's pretty boring

They'd complain and start wailing

Never had expressed a tinge of gratitude towards her

But karma will hit those people I am very sure

For I can never really understand

how could one say such a mean thing to a friend

Especially when she's so caring

So wonderfully and inexplicably dazzling

And right here I would like to thank her for what she is

For being the great *Holidays Jolly Reeds

I declare her as my bestest best friend

The one I could rely on and trust till the end

I thank her for bringing so much serenity into my life

So that all these years I could steadily thrive

Oh Holi Dear I love you so

So much I'd like to hide you under my pillow!

Oh Holi Dear if I were a boy I'd ask if you would be my valentine

Because I want you to be mine, and only mine

*this is actually Holi's full name. :D

Love?

2011-02-13T22:42:00.000+08:00

Owhkay, V-day's tomorrow, I'm sure each and every one of you knows that *except for those living in outer space*. And hey, I'M GOING TO POST SOMETHING ABOUT LOVE!!

"Love is what we need", that's what people ALWAYS say. But don't you know, hatred is something humans need too? Because without hatred, you'd never know what the real definition of 'love' is. Without someone hating you, you'd never know what love feels like, and you will never know that love is actually ALL AROUND YOU.

It's like, wihout feeling hungry in your whole life, you'd never know the feeling of being full right? You'd continue eating and eating until you feel like your stomach's gonna burst, and you'll feel nauseous then end up throwing up all over the place! After that, you will be thinking that being full is the WORST THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN TO YOU. Slowly, you'll become aneroxic and eventually die disgustingly. However for those poor kids in Africa with the bloated tummies that're packed with germs and bacterias, they're contented even if you give them some crappy food. See, with the feeling of hunger, you'll fully understand what it feels like to be full and lucky.

Hence, the same theory applies on love and hatred.

So in my opinion, it's okay to hate someone. It's normal to be hated. So to those whom I hate secretly, kindly forgive me. ;) Cause it's just me finding love. Haha.

This is just some crappy "philosphy". LOL. IDK why I even posted this. Oh who cares, anyways. XD

An abnormal post

2011-02-03T14:18:00.015+08:00

Sometimes I feel so tired I just want to stop what I'm doing right now and just leave this fandom. Cause seriously, it hurts. It hurts to see you guys like this, going separate ways and sometimes even fight. Some may be misunderstandings. Gawd. It'd be good if you guys would say nothing, but I kinda understand how impossible it is to just say nothing when you guys are hurting too. But the phrase "Always Keep The Faith" is somehow etched in my heart. I just couldn't run away and not look back. I couldn't forget what made me love you guys so much. So everytime I turn my head away from you guys, I tend to come back again. Because you guys are truly THE ONES that I would continue to adore. I just couldn't imagine how would I be without being your fan.That's how crazy I am. :)

And I would like to clarify that I may not have every single album of yours lying in my house, but the songs you have sung resides inside my heart. I may not be able to watch every single video of yours available in YouTube, but somehow, it doesn't mean that I don't love you guys. I may not be the fan that knows everything about you, but it doesn't mean that I don't know you guys at all. Humans are what we are, and that's what I know about you guys. And humans make mistakes, we're not all perfect. Plus when we make mistakes, we seek forgiveness. That's why I am able to forgive you guys. But I truly hope that you guys realize what mistakes that you've done.

Actually, no one knows the situation other than the parties involved so I'd prefer Cassies to just wait silently. We don't know who is right and who is in fault. Maybe JYJ and HoMin are both wrong in some ways. That's what I personally think. Cause people have different ways in seeing things so maybe that's what happened to them. But I truly want their friendship to continue. And I pray continuously. Sigh, so that's why Cassies, just stop the bashing. Learn to love. Everyone does mistakes anyway. Don't forget what made you love them, whether it's their passion to sing, their talents, or their personalities, don't give up on them. Even if you do, don't hate them, please. :'( Instead, pray that they realize their wrong doings, and help them walk on the right track.

Side note: Sometimes I tend to think that HoMin are truly innocent, but IDK, I feel bad for thinking that, cuz I've been reading too many articles that JYJ are the ones that are greedy and some even say that they are EVIL; so I PRAY THAT I WOULD ONE DAY STUMBLE ACROSS ARTICLES THAT SAY THAT JYJ ARE NOT THAT BAD TOO. D: I just want to read blogs that are unbiased. I mean TRULY unbiased. Some say that they're unbiased but they end up siding HoMin. D;

Now, I've come to realize that "Always Keep The Faith" isn't just about having them reunite on STAGE as DBSK, instead, it's about having them continue their friendship. I'm sure we don't want any fights to happen between them right? I'm sure you cassies out there want them to sit down and talk right? After what they've been through together... *sigh* I really do hope that 'one day' would come earlier. :'( But I can see it. In maybe 10 years time, or maybe after they've "resigned" from the showbiz, they'd look back and think to themselves what fools they were to fight against each other. Then they would meet up, and laugh about the things that made them fight like this.

The Dorky Brothers :))

Minsu. :'))

I knew them since 2007 and I wish I knew them earlier. :'( Sigh. But there's no way I can turn the clock back right? Gah.

Feeling alone?

2011-01-12T23:40:00.001+08:00

Did you realize that posts are getting shorter and shorter? And this is going to be a very short one, LOL, just telling you. XD

Let's get to the main point, shall we? :D

Sometimes, being alone isn't really that bad after all.

And in my opinion, it's impossible to be alone, cause there's always yourself accompanying you right? Oh, I know, that's crappy but whatever, I still think being alone is kinda good sometimes.

You get to have a real heart-to-heart talk with yourself; and in the same time, you get to know yourself a little better! Isn't that great?! Well, maybe you would end up being a little nuts (like how I am now cause I talk to myself A LOT), but it's still fun to do so. *wink wink* Plus whenever people say how "being yourself" is such a great thing, I doubt that. Cuz do you even know who you are? For me, I don't. So maybe you should spend some time being away from friends and calm down.; get to know who is that person that's residing inside your body.

Oh well, I guess that's it.

Just, remember, if you ever feel alone, don't be afraid,

cause you still have someone who's there for you,

and it's your best friend, yourself. :))

2011.

2011-01-01T11:09:00.002+08:00

Oh kay. 2012 is next year. dreading much? I am. :'(
Scratch that.

2011 is here and I CANNOT believe it. D: oh well whatever. I just spent my last few hours of 2010 counting down with JYJ! God and I feel so happy I could fly! Seriously, their performance was JJANG. As always lah. I think I'm immune to the thing that they're not with HoMin already. Maybe it's time for them to take different paths? Whatsoever, I'll support HoMin plus JYJ. :') AND DID YOU WATCH THE HOMIN TEASER FOR KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN?! So damn mirotic-ish! They haven't lose the TVXQ vibe and I'm over the moon about it. :)) Can't wait till they release that album. And of course, I can't wait till JYJ release their korean album ~~next~~ this year! :D I've got a feeling that this year would be a great year for kpop, but... I don't think it's gonna be a good year for me. D: Cause I have LOTSA tuitions to go to and I'm hoping I won't die halfway. D:

Sigh. I'm getting a little depressed down here. Thinking of Choral Speaking suddenly makes me feel depressed. Haven't wrote the script for this year's badge yet. D: GAWD.

Oh well, whatever, HAPPY NEW YEAR. :'(

2010, Thank You!

2010-12-30T16:43:00.007+08:00

t's the 30th of Dec. One more day till the last day of the year. :'( I don't want 2010 to go! I really don't! *sobs* Mainly because I just don't want holidays to end. I wish holidays could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... and never will they cease. But that won't happen in real life. D:

Holidays are AWESOME, don't you agree? SO FREAKING AWESOME, JUST LIKE RAINBOWS! (I intended to colour the words, but it's not working, IDK why. Sorry) And I hate those people who constantly complain about holidays being boring and stuff. OH C'MON! IT'S HOLIDAYS BABEH! You're supposed to enjoy it! You see, HOLIDAYS ARE HOLY! Bask in it. :D Feel the warmth of Holidays! :D OH, I LOVE HOLIDAYS! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I CAN DIE!

Okay, enough confessing my love for holidays. Let's get back to my point. 2010 was kinda nice to me, so Imma say thanks to her in this post. :D Oh, don't you think I'm sweet? :3

This year, I got along with my classmates pretty well! Which was on last year's "new-year-resolution"! Ooh, I succeeded! :D Anyways, they were really great friends. They were crazy, fun, caring, childish, perasan ; all at the same time. Words just couldn't fully express my gratitude to all those awesome guys (blame my small range of vocab) :) teehee. But still,

:D Me loves you guys!

And what made 2010 PURR-FECT was that we won the Choral Speaking Competition! But sadly, we weren't able to represent Kedah state in Nationals. D: Plus Ibrahim and Convent didn't even took part in the competition. But I'm keeping my hopes high for next year's team, hope they'll come in first next year too! :D Oh God, I've just realized that no one's writing the script for next year. D: I thought of doing it, but *ahem*, seriously, my brain isn't that good, and I don't have any good ideas till now. So erm yeah... ...

Well, okay, let's move on. So, I joined drama this year too! to be honest, I didn't enjoy it very much initially, but heck, the people there were SO AWESOME that you can't help falling in love with it! :D They're like the craziest people I've ever met. XD　And to top that off, we came in FIRST during the daerah competition! We were on top of the world when we heard the news as Sin Min hasn't gotten first in drama for years. But again, our government failed us. :'( They told us that there's NO national competition this year. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! WTF ARE THEY DOING? We even made custom-made costumes just to join nationals, hoping that we could win something and they tell us that THERE IS NO COMPETITION?!

are you KIDDING ME?! Well, what they exactly said was:" we're still not sure if it's cancelled or not, if there's any news, we'll tell you guys." and hey, they never called back again. And now the newly made costumes are lying there inside the store room of our school, UNTOUCHED.

But nevertheless, :) joining drama was still an unforgettable experience. Especially the part where we practiced at the Laguna Merbok club! :D

Oh erm and yeah, PMR was kinda shitty, but hey, I survived! :) So I'm thinking about buying a few DBSK albums! :D　But still considering which to buy, cause all of them are AMAZING LIKE HELL, but my cash is kinda limited.

Ah, this sucks. But... maybe I should buy the Mirotic Concert DVD and then save the money to buy JYJ's Korean album and HoMin's Keep Your Head Down album next year! Hmm, but that isn't quite rasional huh? D: Let's see... I prefer Korean albums as I already have The Secret Code now. I already have all the songs in Mirotic album downloaded in my computer, so I guess it's a waste to buy a Mirotic album. I DON'T KNOW WHICH TO BUY! D: OHMYGODSUN, THIS IS A TRAGEDY. Please, just someone give me some suggestions! Sigh, it'd be great if I have unlimited cash and I can just spend all of it! :D

By the way, I have a feeling that 2011 is not going to be a very good year. D: cause I've just received the news that I'm not in my old class anymore and all our classmates have practically been scattered to all parts of the school. THAT IS NOT GOOD. And heck, Sin Jou, Zee Zhing and Yi Jun are in the same class whereas I'm left alone. And tuitions would be a pain in the ass as i have to get there as early as i could to just get myself seated at a ideal place.

Oh, suan le. And I've just found out that the 3rd Asia Tour Concert "Mirotic" in Seoul will be costing me more than RM130++. I'm totally okay with it cause seriously, it's WORTH IT. :'(

I ordered this a few months ago but just opened my DVD today to commemorate TVXQ 7th Anniversary. Spent like 5 hours watching this and the 2nd Asia concert tour. This is the best asia tour DBSK have done. The filmography is beautifully shot and presented. The tracklist is nicely set with a good mix of genre and variety of dances. Solid concert. I fully enjoyed each performance.

For those wondering is the bookmarks included in this version, sadly is it is not. I wished it was included though. The packaging is rather thin and flimsy somewhere between the highly delicate paper packaging of the 1st concert and the sturdier box set of the 2nd asia tour. Both disc are placed on top in a cardboard book type instead of regular plastic dvd holders.

Overall it was a good buy. Unforgettable concert. Will be watching this in the near far distant future.

a review by rinmi . :'(

Her review just made me cry and made me shout "WHY?!". I'm not sure if my mum is willing to fish out RN130++ just to buy a DVD for me.

Oh well, let's just wish my parents are okay with that. :'( I can imagine my dad's face being like this if I tell him what I wanted.

...Not that he'd look as beautiful as Taemin, but yeah, he'd keep that "i'm-speechless" looking face.

I guess that's all for now. :) So tata everybody, and goodbye, 2010! :')

I'll miss you fo sho, although you're not VERY BOMBASTIC, but you've been very very kind to me. I'll never forget you. :') ~~Gah, and I have tuition tomorrow morning. D: AHHHH.~~

Farewell, 2010.

TVXQ's 7th Anniversary.

2010-12-26T08:06:00.010+08:00

It's 8:15 in the morning currently, and I'm sitting here, writing a post dedicated to TVXQ. Why? IT'S TVXQ'S 7TH ANNIVERSARY!

Eventhough it isn't like what we cassiopeians expected it to be - 5 of them celebrating this day together, but nevertheless, I'm still wishing them a Happy 7th Anniversary. :) I wonder if JYJ misses HoMin at this moment. Hmm, I shall attempt to write a fanfic of them. LOL, wish me luck. I'm tempted to, but I don't think I can finish it

though. XD XD

TVXQ, Gods of The Rising East. Each member has their own unique personality, and together on stage, only can they become TVXQ. And you wouldn't believe it but it's true, that their 5 voices are made to suit each other so well. GO LISTEN TO THEIR ACAPELLA. No joke, you'll cry. :'(

Yunho shhi, the leader with charisma oozing out of him.

And here we have Jaejoong. His velvet voice sure does suit his angelic and delicate features. But LOL, he could be masculine if you want him to.

Yoochun! Micky Yoochun! Has longer eyelashes than you can imagine. And his speciality- ooh, greasy voice! xD

Xiah Junsu! His vocals are <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_0GrqMFltdDs/TRaTBAgv4fI/AAAAAAAAAjQ/sIx81utc_6c/s1600/e0041769_493e89d67887b.jpg">

Here you go, our sarcastic maknae. :) Choikang Changming! He's the one who's singing the unbelievable high notes in their songs. :) Really "Choikang"!

All 5 of them together = TVXQ. What is there to hate about them? They're talented, they write their own songs, they sing perfectly, they dance amazingly.

OHMYGOD, THEY GLOW!!

And their very emotional fans - cassiopeians. Though a majority of them are very very emotional, but heck, you can't deny, they're the biggest fandom of all. And sometimes, these fans will do the most touching/warm things. :)

:'( I hope I could sit there and watch them perform while waving a red light stick in my hand. But I guess, there won't be a chance to do that anymore.

But whatever, I'll AKTF. Always Keep The Faith. :')

Oh yeah, and Always Keep The Faith has become my motto of life. Isn't this quote great?

Signing off,
AKTF <3 <3

2010-12-18T23:04:00.004+08:00

DidHit-5lipsyncduringKCSfestival?! or was it just me. hmmm, well, anyways, i'm not liking Hit-5.

D: They just don't appeal to me.

Come to think of it, I didn't like any of the new Kpop groups either, other than MISS-A! weeeee~ xD

Very random thoughts about TVXQ.

2010-12-17T13:48:00.009+08:00

Everyone that knows me would know that I'm a HUGE FAN of TVXQ. Even after the J.Y.J vs SM incident, I'm still rooting for them. (Sigh, eventhough it does break my heart)

When this incident first broke out, I treated J.Y.J as the ones who're willing to stand upfor themselves. But after some rational thinking, who knows what they were thinking when they stirred up such a controversy? Eventhough I believe that all the singers under SM or any company are being "tortured" but maybe the main reasno why J.Y.J spoke out is because they are just sick of being under the bars of SM and wants more spotlight? But LOL, it's not a sin to want spotlight for themselves. Everyone needs a time to shine on their own anyways.

To quote Junsu (translated from his tweet):

The reasons why you are living in this dangerous world, if you want to know all this, you must set out on a journey alone. Love does not confine, love sets you free. Sometimes you must endure pain, love is tears... That is love. When the golden star falls, you must leave on a journey that leads you to the world"

And come to think of it, all 5 of them are strong enough to undergo such torturing moments. Eventhough most of the cassies support J.Y.J, there still are some of them that boycotts them. Condemning that they're "忘恩负义" people. And until now, they still can't promote thier new album in Korea. Read the article here. And not to mention HoMin and SM, there're even more cassies hating them.

Oh well, whatsoever, I think it's time to leave them alone.

To me, TVXQ will no longer be the old TVXQ anymore. Even if J.Y.J works with HoMin once again, I think the crack will still be there. So as cassiopeias, let's just support them individually.

Anyways, I'm not the least bothered by the fact that JYJ is still restricted to appear on public broadcasts. That just makes them more UNTOUCHABLE, don't you think? XD They're like the Gods of Idols. (Same applies to HoMin)

And anyways, :) OHMYGODSUN happy belated birthday to Junsu-shhi. :3 Just for your information, he has the most perfect S-Line.

His cute-husky-sexy voice is what mesmerizes me! :D And his cheerfulness. XD Oh yeah, and good luck in your musical, Junchan! XD

Sunshine Junsu!

Serious singing Junsu

Before I end my post,
Yunho, Changmin, Junsu, Jaejoong, Yoochun. ♥
Fighting! :)

2010-12-09T11:24:00.003+08:00

before I start to forget about my dream, I'd better blog about it. cuz, :D I had an AWESOME dream last night and the night before!! Memorable one some more! :D

Dreamt that CN Blue and I had went for an outing! OMO, how nice?! hahaha. And dreamt that Pauline paired up with Yonghwa in WGM. Seriously, it looks better than the YongSeo couple!! XD And of course, I dreamt of the Adam couple! 8D Hahaha.

As for last night, the 'Friends' casts popped into my dream! That made it SUPER FUNNY. Although I forgot why it was funny. Something related to the swimming pool lar. Oh, and I remember telling this to Sin Jou in my dream :" HIGH SCHOOL SUCKS. DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?!" Yes. It does. High school has never been a fun thing to me from the very beginning. What makes me endure it - is the moment I have with my friends. :)

2010-12-08T22:58:00.004+08:00

I refuse to talk about depressing stuff, so allow me to only blog about fangirling moments.

*sob*, I didn't have much time to fangirl about JYJ and HoMin by the way. The line is so damn slow, couldn't load sharingyoochun. and so D: I resorted to watching dramas which were already downloaded by my Ji Pek (paternal uncle), a super K-drama fan! ;D It really is great to have a K-drama-fan-uncle!
*eventhough he does give me some dramas that I have no interest in, and constantly forgets which dramas I requested. But I'm reallyyyyy grateful! ;D Thanks, Ji Pek!*

SungKyunKwan Scandal
I know lah. KBS aired this drama and I didn't even watch it. Despite knowing that my beloved Micky Yoochun is acting in this show, I've never watched a single episode while it was airing. D: Weird me. I've never liked to watch dramas on TV. Maybe it's because I've always hated to wait for the next episode to air? Hmm... yeah, maybe that's why. Oh well, anyways, SKK Scandal WAS GREAT. UNEXPECTEDLY! :D I didn't like the main actress Park Min Young when i first saw the poster. I assumed that she's a "act-aegyo" type of actress. But haha, okay lah, she's not bad also lar. xD Heh, but definitely not better than Moon Geun Young! Lee Seon Joon's character bugs me initially. But as time passes, I'm starting to like him more and more! Eh, but it doesn't mean I do not like Yoochun ah, I still love him to death! His chubby cheeks, his greasy voice XD and and, his long long eyelashes~~ *melts* :D Haha, and anyways, my xin huan, Yeorim! ♥! Song Joong Ki!I watched OBGYN before, where he acted as a doctor! Super stunning owhkay?! And I read it somewhere that his character was based on Yoochun's real life character! Is that why I like him more in SKK? Oh, and who can forget the mighty Moon Jae Shin? ;D With his shabby clothes and all! xD

JYJ & HoMin♥
:) Eventhough I'm not updated to their latest latest news, but I'm still a TVXQ fan. JYJ fan. HoMin fan. Dong Bang Shin Ki fan. A Cassiopeia. ♥ Si gui Sin Jou, stole my favourite red colour and said that it's yours. Hahaha.

Oh wait. And I really do NEED JYJ's The Beginning Album! :( I know it's unlikely for me to get my hands on the limited edition one, but hey, the normal one is also not bad for me already. :( Hope my mum lets me buy it. :( I'm not going to listen to any of the songs online right now until my mum really doesn't intend to buy it for me. Sigh, mummyyyyyy!

O___O AND JYJ LIKELY TO PERFORM IN KBS DRAMA AWARDS 2010?! OMO. Then it's likely that I could watch them perform live through KBS World?! If it is so, THANKYOU YOOCHUN FOR ACTING IN SUNGKYUNKWAN! XDXD

TVXQ's comeback! I was waiting for TVXQ's comeback since the Mirotic era. But this isn't what I expected. I wanted it to be a FULL TVXQ COMEBACK. But sigh, what to do? And it's weird. Super weird when HoMin is called TVXQ without JYJ. At least make a new group name for them lar. Like HM or something. Okay wait. HM is quite lame. Just... name them something else? :( I know that maybe some cassies aren't gonna agree with me, but for me, TVXQ is 5 of them together. TOGETHER. But whatever, :) HoMin, I'd support you anyways.

*sob again*, I wanna go to Nature Republic!!!! :( Xietin went to South Korea and got lotsa lotsa free products from the make-up shops there!!! JYJ posters too! :( She even took photos with JYJ........'s standee.

Twitter twitter twitter! Love reading their twitters ♥
This is not the latest one lar. But I really liked this.
Junsu:
"The King would say this, that the world is full of destruction. He said 'I will not look outside and will protect you in this world'. He raised the palace walls and firmly closed the door. But, unable to stop his racing heart, the prince dreamed of the world on the other side of the palace walls. Now, he must leave that place, cross over the palace walls and leave on a journey to find that star~ )

The reasons why you are living in this dangerous world, if you want to know all this, you must set out on a journey alone. Love does not confine, love sets you free. Sometimes you must endure pain, love is tears... That is love. When the golden star falls, you must leave on a journey that leads you to the world"

I'm assuming this is talking about SM?

HyunBin♥
I think I'm not going to watch Secret Garden. Eventhough I have this urge to watch it cuz IT'S HYUNBIN!!! But IDK, the chemistry between HyunBin and Song Hye Kyo is too incredible that I'm scared of watching HyunBin acting with Ha Ji Won. D: I'm scared that I'm going to be jealous of HJW on behalf of SHK. XD Lame excuse but it's true. Oh, and anyways, I'm watching Friend, Our Legend currently. :) HYUNBINNNNNN!!! BUAHAHHA. Seems nice. But shyt, waithemainactreesssougly?! SONGHYEKYO,COME RESCUE! Maybe, Mary Stayed Out All Night would be nicer? Moon Geun Young and Jang Geun Suk seems like a perfect pairing right~! Owh, anyways, I'm going to get it from my uncle.

Oh Oh, and I have to say this, my cousin's wife which is a mother of two kids is unexpectedly a SUPER K-DRAMA FAN TOO! And she knows about TVXQ! :D Awww, how sweet is she~ Haha. Spazzed about them with her. I've never talked to her before till today! Cuz it was only until today that I realized that she's a K-drama fan too! HAHAHA. She liked Yoochun~ Awwwhhhh... And she likes KimBum! Haha. Said that he was good looking and cute! And she knows about FT Island and CN Blue! OMO! HOW SMART IS SHE?! "Jeremy was soooooo cute!" she commented. XD (was talking about Minam isineyo!) hahaha "Yonghwa was SOOOO WARM AND SWEET!" :D hahhahaha.

Nodame Cantabile
Ueno Juri is BEAUTIFUL. :))) Plus I miss my piano now. :(
Watching this drama really makes me miss my piano leh.

Okay, guess I'd go continue watching SKKS! Buahhaha. Bye.

2010-12-07T14:54:00.002+08:00

Watching Nodame Cantabile makes me miss my piano. :( Therefore, I'm here to announce that : I miss my piano.

(I'm living in Alor Star currently. Have to take care of my Ah Ma. Oh, and if anybody's reading this post, PLEASE PRAY FOR MY GRANDMA. :( She hasn't been feeling well recently. She's been complaining about stomachaches, and now she's in the hospital, in agony. D: )

Fountains and Roses, Tears and Diamonds

2010-10-28T14:04:00.008+08:00

Jewel encrusted roses
shimmered under the blazing sun
She touched the petals
and tied her hands on them with yarn

Petals with the color of blood
so beautiful she couldn't utter a word
And she drew it closer to her
as she couldn't resist the rose's lure

Little did she know that the thorns could poke
and the jewels could cut her when they're provoked
And suddenly the thorns and diamonds cut through her flesh
left her standing there in an absolute mess

Haemoglobin spurted out
so happy that they were finally free
Even words came out from their invisible mouths
they shouted 'wow' to everything they see

But oh the girl was shocked
rooted on the ground
Her tongue was suddenly locked
when she heard the weird weird sound

What sound did she hear, you may ask
you say:“Fast, fast, tell me, fast!”
She heard the blood screaming to their brethrens
"Come out, come out, look, it's such a wonderful weather!"

In a split second a bright red fountain was formed
the temperature was oh-so-warm
But tears oozed out from her tear glands
like diamonds trickling down from her lens

Then her flesh withered, leaving her bones behind
and later on her bones began to grind
Her soul flew away to a faraway land
the wound was so severe that no one could mend

There in the green-green clearing,
you would see this beautiful scene;
Red coloured fountain and roses
Sparkling tears and diamonds.

Ah Ma

2010-10-24T22:39:00.003+08:00

Ah Ma, Grandma,

Wake up, Ah Ma. You're a fighter! You're the woman who survived World War II, the woman who've raised 8 children on your own, the woman who has a great memory even by the age of 92.

Your strength is never seen through your biceps, but I still believe that your spirit and your soul is fighting to wake up. And so I pray, I pray that you will wake up and eventually start asking us to bring you more ice-creams. I pray that you will wake up and show me your flower-folding skills that I've never witnessed before. I pray that you will wake up and squeeze my hand, hug me, kiss me like you always do when I go back to Alor Star.

Please, wake up and start talking to us. We all need you desperately. Ah Ma, please wake up.

Alone

2010-10-18T20:29:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, being alone isn't really that bad after all.

And in my opinion, it's impossible to be alone, cause there's always yourself accompanying you right? Oh, I realise, that's crappy but whatever, I still think being alone is kinda good sometimes.

Oh well, I guess that's it.

Just, remember, if you ever feel alone, don't be afraid,

cause you still have someone who's there for you,

and it's your best friend, yourself. :))

Reading is F.U.N.

2010-10-16T13:53:00.006+08:00

Nowadays, our country is all about "Students should read more! Melentur buluh biarlah dari rebungnya! Start teaching students to read!"

And I just watched a show on TV that encourages students to read more. So the TV host went asking students what kind of books they like to read, and heck, you know what, when the students answered: "I LIKE COMIC BOOKS!" the TV host showed a face. That kind of "oh-boy-you've-gotta-stop-reading-comic-books-and-start-reading-real-books" face. Shoot you. Comic books are still books. And it's not like they're reading dirty, porn-oriented comic books. They're reading educational comic books! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

And some ignorant teachers despise and discriminate students who read books with pictures. Seriously, what is the difference between books with pictures and books with only words? Books with pictures and books without pictures are still books. Why can't you just let students read what they like? Maybe they just haven't stumbled upon a great book-without-pictures book! And you, as a teacher, should put some effort in helping the students understand that some books, even without pictures are great. You, as a teacher shouldn't be scoffing at them nor discriminating them. Instead, encourage them. Maybe bring a Harry Potter book to school and read to them. Well, children love story-telling. And even some teenagers like, me myself still do. :) Errr, maybe it doesn't work well on teenagers but primary school kids, yes. I'm pretty sure it'll work perfect on them! :D And anyway, just FYI most books with pictures are AMAZING and that's why we love them so much. Screw those who think that people who read books with pictures are shallow.

Some adults think reading is just to learn something. They don't really get the concept of reading. It's a process where you can have JOY while learning. It's not just stupidly abosrobing everything that you read in the books. Adults like these are just like my tuition teacher. She told us that the "Nilam" program that we have in our schools is a great thing. That we should look at it as a very good "competition". You get to compete with your friends on how many books you've read, hence it's a good thing. WTH. That is not good. And she even gave us an example on how it helps:

Student A Student B Teacher

"Hey, I've read 99 books. What about you?"

"Hmm. I've read 120. You've got a long way to go to beat me! :D"

"Oh shit. I have to read more!" *buries head into books*

"See this is what will happen if you guys compete by using Nilam loh.

You'll read more and learn more!"

STPUID AH? Reading is a fun thing to do, not a competition. Not something that gives you stress. THAT IS NOT READING, MY DEAR! And anyway, if someone reads under pressure, then she/he won't be able to learn anything. Nilam is a good thing, but it's misused! And some students who just want to get acknowledgement from teachers, lie about the number of books they've read. They simply copy the synopsis of the book (usually found at the back of the book), and get the teacher to sign it. Hey, see, teenagers are not stupid you know. We're cunning kiddos with bags of hormones inside us. Anyway, this is not how it's supposed to work, don't you understand? And there are some of the students out there who just purely love reading books and are having fun reading them don't do Nilams. But they get scolded instead because they don't write synopsises and let the teachers sign them. Teachers don't even know that they read. C'mon, sane people don't record the number of books they read lah. So much free time to do it meh? Haiyor. Okay, maybe I'm wrong because some sane people do. Err, no offence to those who do Nilams. It's a good thing, but just misused. Heh.

So erm, as a conclusion:

READING IS FUN.

DO NOT KILL THE FUN OF READING.

THIS IS A WARNING TO ALL ADULTS.

Yay.

2010-10-12T19:23:00.005+08:00

Yay. PMR's officialy over or shall I say The Last War of The Year has ended. Sounds more chio. XD
If you're wondering why didn't I put a "!" behind the "Yay", it's because life's mundane and there's nothing to be happy about that (well, watching Grey's Anatomy is not boring, but still, going to school IS)

anyway,

School is friggin boring. There is NOTHING to do there. Hearing "motivational talks" doesn't really help dwindle the boredness. Teachers practically repeat the same thing everytime, asking you not to give up, believe in yourself and stuff like that. And what's worse is that we have to perform something a month later. Classmates are trying their very very hard to think of something interesting already, but no, we've hanen't come up to anything yet. This is what you call a "Very Cham Situation". Yes, very cham.

Hmm, actually playing UNO cards help anyway. Oh yeah, there's a miracle happening in our class by the way. OUR CLASS IS QUIET RIGHT NOW. I MEAN, OUR CLASS, 3.5 IS QUIET. That's totally a MIRACLE! I think it's because there's nothing to do so we're becoming boring people.

Sigh. I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL. I JUST WANT TO BE AT HOME AND SLACK. :(
FYI: slacking at home is WAYY BETTER than slacking in school.

NIGHTMARE.

2010-09-24T11:41:00.003+08:00

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, today, I would like to share with you my nightmare. A very disgusting nightmare that woke me up from my sleep.

Come to think of it, I’ve only had two nightmares(yes, including this one). Since I blogged about the first one, I’ll blog about my second one too!

Had an AWFUL nightmare that night. And that stupid nightmare "ish-ingly"* woke me up from my sleep. Tried to forget it, but it just backfires on me. The harder I try, the clearer it is. And now, the nightmare is like mapped onto my mind or something. Damn. And I don’t get it! Why do I normally forget about nice and amazing dreams while I remember all the yucky dreams?! Example, yesterday I had an amazing dream which could be written into a story, but, hmph, I forgot what it was about. I didn’t even want to wake up just to continue the dream, but well, my mum or my sister (I forgot) was shaking me and it woke me up eventually. -.-
Oh yeah, and if you ever wonder why do I have huge dark circles around my eyes, it was the nightmare’s fault. It woke me up and made me tired for one whole day. Mind you, now, I look like a panda, freshly imported from China. (it somehow rhymes!
Okay, let’s get back onto my nightmare. It was about …
.
.
.
.
.
Lizards.

Yes, you’ve got it right, lizards. They are the most disgusting creatures. With an evil face, nearly transparent skin, yellowish brain, perverted. They resemble dirty rapists somehow.

Side note: I don’t like typing the “L” word out so allow me to use “L” to represent the “L” word. Confusing? Er, sorry. Heh.

Hmm and I think I got this phobia from my maternal side. My mum is freaking scared of Ls and I assume that this phobia somehow runs in our blood. D: My Da Yi (eldest aunt) is realllyyyyy scared of them as well. The weird thing is, we’re are not afraid of other creepy crawlies. Roachces? Nope. Worms? No. Spiders? Nahh. Centipedes? Not that too. We’re just afraid of Ls. Anyway, my aunt once told me that when she was carrying my cousin to his bed when he was a baby, a forking L dived right into her hands and she was so terrified that she threw my cousin and started jumping like some mad woman. Yes, she told me that she literally THREW my cousin. My cousin was kinda fortunate that he landed on his bed and not on the floor. Or I bet he’ll hate Ls till this day too. See how evil Ls are?! Scaring people like that with their disgusting face and opaque skin!! Causing mothers to throw their babies! I HAVE NO OTHER WORD TO DESCRIBE Ls RIGHT NOW OTHER THAN D.I.S.G.U.S.T.I.N.G. Maybe I’m lack of vocab or something but they really are digusting! And my Ah Kim (my maternal uncle’s wife) undergo the same situation too. She was carrying my cousin and an L jumped off from the ceiling and landed on her hands as well. Haha, but she didn’t threw my cousin. I think both of the Ls who tried to scare my aunts are from the same company. Maybe they have a company called “Petrify them! Sdn Bhd” or something like that, similar to the cartoon Monster I.N.C. The main purpose is to scare mothers who’re carrying babies, then causing them to forget their babies and throw them away. They probably have a “scare-o-meter” like what the cartoon has. That L who landed on my Ah Kim’s hand maybe got sacked after that. Haha. And for my mum, once, she opened a cupboard and a lizard got caught in between the hinges of the doors and shyt, the tail came off. The lizard immediately ran for it’s life and left the stupid tail bouncing on the floor. I was beside my mother who was holding a broom by the time, trying hard to muster up the courage to sweep away the tail but obviously, she failed; and we were both screaming and shouting for my dad to come. My dad came and he was like: “ISH, STOP SCREAMING LAH!”, took the broom which was in my mama’s hand and swept away the tail like it was just some normal dust. And the havoc ended. Haha.

Oh oh! I remember something! My Ah Kim and I went to a bank to withdraw money at night one day and the ceiling, was FULL of Ls. It really was FULL. There wasn’t any space between them! And my Ah Kim and I was completely disgusted so my cousin had to help Ah Kim to go to the ATM machine. My Ah Kim was still disgusted and shoved an umbrella to my cousin sister and told her that it was for precaution. In case any Ls couldn’t stick on the ceiling anymore or was attracted to her beauty, she could use the umbrella to cover her. Ugh, imagine, if the Ls really did jumped off the ceiling, it would be like raining Ls and their droppings. Cause they were partying right there on top of the ceiling, feeding on mosquitoes and I don’t know what else. The fluorescent light was their disco ball and their dancing to…? IDK. But it was really really G.E.L.I/D.I.S.G.U.S.T.I.N.G. Complete madness.

Wow, I think I went too far on promoting how disgusting these things were and how my family members are afraid of them. I think we'd better get back on my nightmare.

Okay, It went like this. I was mad thirsty and felt like I just jogged back from a desert. I need water BADLY. So, of course, I went into my kitchen and took out a cup. A beautiful cup it was. So I filled up water and drank. The water was cooling and nice and sweet; made up of everything nice. But suddenly, the cup felt dusty and there were cobwebs around it already. Well, I was too thirsty to care so much and in the dream I thought to myself that it was just my illusions, so I kept on drinking. Drinking and drinking till there was no more water left. But something was wrong, the cup was dustier than ever. So I looked into the cup and I SAW THE MOST DISGUSTING THING. Two. TWO beheaded Ls were lying INSIDE my cup while I was drinking the water. And the skin, it was nearly transparent, and I could see the YELLOWISH heart, the veins and everything! I threw the cup away immediately and it crashed on the floor. The cup broke into pieces, everything was shattered. But the Ls weren’t. The Ls blobbed on the ground and laid still. Shit. I lost control and jumped here, there, everywhere like I was in trance. Screamed and pulled my hair like a crazy woman trying to get out of the scene but no matter where I run, I was still stuck in the kitchen with the Ls. And finally, *phew* I woke up.

BLAHHHHHH. That has to be my worst nightmare of all. The previous nightmare was mentally torturing but this, is PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY TORTURING. I really don’t want any of this nightmares creeping into my dreams anymore. NO. I DON’T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN ANYMORE.

To lighten up the mood,
Let me tell you about Ee Sin’s “nightmare”.
She must’ve been revising Sejarah until the British Army and the Japanese Army invaded her dream. She was dreaming about a room. Our whole class were inside the room, chatting and making noise as usual. Then we all went out for a stroll or something. Suddenly, a gunshot was heard. We were all silent and petrified. Then somebody from our class said :” IT MUST BE TERRORISTS!!!” Then we were fleeing but then the same person said:” HAHAHHA No lah, just joking only. I simply say one.” Er, that’s exactly what our classmates always do. Telling us to shut up cause Pn Heng/Teng/Ah Png is coming. By the way, another gunshot was heard and the Japanese army came. She said and they asked us to sit in groups. 3 people in a group so Medha, Ee Juin and somebody else sat in a group while Ee Sin, Wan Jing and I sat together in a group. Then the Japanese said that we’re supposed to let them see our exam results and who had the best results had to be be-fingered (that’s a word I made up lah haha). The fingers of the people with the best results had to be cut off. So Medha’s was pulled up to the front and the cruel Japanese soldiers used a small knife to slowly, gradually, cut off her fingers. She said she was horrified to death and did not dare to make a noise. The weird thing was Medha remained cool like nothing is happening to her. Blood oozed out and her fingers detached. She was hyperventilating and perspiring. After all of Medha’s fingers were cut off, it was our group to hand in our results. AND THEN, BAM! She woke up. XD I know it’s kinda scary but to be truthful, haha, I think it’s kinda funny. Maybe it’s the way she told us? ‘Cause Ee Sin’s the top girl in our class and maybe now she’s scared to get the best results already. Haha. When she told us her nightmare we were like laughing our heads off. She must be studying real hard to be dreaming this kind of dreams instead of nightmares like mine. Haha.

Hmm, why don't you tell me your biggest fear? XD

==

2010-09-22T20:13:00.007+08:00

I want to sleep, but I don't want to sleep! Eventhough I took a nap already. D:
Anywayyyy, I want to sleep because I'm feeling rather sleepy (slept at 1:30AM and woke at 6:30AM this morning); and I don't want to sleep because I did not do ANY revision for today. :( Which is quite bad, as PMR is like one week away and I'm still procrastinating. :(

And I don't get why I procrastinate! I've tried all sorts of ways to stop me from procrastinating! I wrote "NO MORE PROCRASTINATING" on my hand to constantly remind me not to be lazy, but *sob*, it DID NOT work. :( I tried to study in my room but finally fell asleep because it was raining outside. I mean, who doesn't like having a nap when it's raining?! It feels so cool and calm and naturally, you'll fall asleep right?! RIGHT?

And...and... Every morning I wake up, I tell myself :"Okay, today's the day! You've got to finish revising all the chapters for Sejarah. I know you can manage to do it! I know you can!!" But when I get home from school, I'd say to myself again:"Heyy, you should rest for a while. You feel tired right? So why not get a nap or something? It should be refreshing! And you can study after your nap." And when I wake up from my snooze, I'll be watching TV. D:

Sigh. WHY CAN'T I JUST...JUST...CONCENTRATE?! FOR ONE DAY?! Oh darn. :(

Spittin'

2010-09-15T16:37:00.008+08:00

Hello peeps!

Please ignore the "rudeness" of my blog title. Blame it on Eminem, people.

To be honest, I don't have anything to blog about; since I'm living a pretty mundane life recently. The internet modem was hidden somewhere (I don't know where) by my parents cause they're helping me to kick off this online-addiction of mine. But sigh, an addict will always be an addict. I somehow caught a glimpse of ANOTHER internet modem in my house (yes, my daddy didn't notice it somehow! xDD) and so, here I am! Gluing my eyes on the computer!! HOHOHO. Shhh, this was supposed to be a secret, but I couldn't resist to write it here. Heh, I'll just hope that nobody's gonna tell my parents about this! :D heheheeee.

Oh yea, and I'm attending my cousin's wedding dinner on Saturday! It's quite unbelievable that he's getting married! He's not the first one getting married in my family but somehow, my aunts and uncles are getting very hype-d about this ocassion haha. And I COULDN'T believe he REALLY IS GETTING MARRIED. XD Because everytime I attend a wedding dinner, when the bride and the groom walks down the "aisle"/"red carpet", I don't actually care much cause I don't even know who they are. I'll just dig my chopsticks into the food, put it in my mouth and enjoy it. But this time, it's going to be different. The bride and the groom will be people I know! Sigh, but the main point is I don't know what to wear. -.- Usually, I'll just put on a nicer blouse and a pair of jeans when I'm going to anyone's wedding dinner, but some of my aunts say it's informal to do that, and it's better to wear a dress. BUT. -.- I don't feel comfortable wearing dresses. You see, I'm an angelic girl, and I don't want to wear dresses because it shows my ugliness! And, it would hurt people's eyes if they see me wearing dresses. I really do not want anybody getting hurt!!

Oh scratch that. That's stupid.

Holidays are ending. :( Time flies too quickly. Two weeks, and I haven't done anything productive. Quite sad huh? I should've gone to the YES! Camp. IT WAS FUN I heard my friends say. *sob* How stupid and innocent was I to think that if I didn't go to the camp, I would have more time to sit at my table and DO REVISION. But oh, how wrong was I. :( I didn't do anything. I didn't even get online (because I couldn't). I just walked here and there, looking out the window then finally I'd take out my book, motivate myself to study, but then failed. ISH!!

Sigh, but hey, don't forget to pray for me kay? I really wish everything I've read in the past days would be mapped/sticked/glued/stitched/sewed on my mind till PMR ends! :) So, wish me luck! Heh. Thank you very much.

Oh, and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZEEZHING! :D

********

By the way,
I love the music video of Eminem's "Love the Way You Lie"! I watched it for over 10 times today! xD Although I have to admit that the lyrics and the music video is a bad influence. NEVER LOVE THE WAY YOU HURT. Only insane people like hurting themselves. And what kind of sane person would love the way people lie to them? That's sort of idiotic.

Anywayyy, xD The couple in the video loves each other but well, it seems like their relationship is leading them into -- domestic violence. And that stupid woman wouldn't leave that man...hmm, maybe because she loves him too much?

Hah, so here it is,

the music video!

Yesh and Megan Fox is HAWT. :D

Happy Independence Day, Malaysia!

2010-08-31T11:49:00.003+08:00

Malaysia. :D

My Home;

My Country;

My Malaysia.♥

Remember, fellow Malaysians, Malaysia will always be our home. Let's make it a better place together. :)

And remember how our ancestors once fought to gain freedom. Remember that we are ALL Malaysians.

To Malaysia:

Happy 53rd Independence Day!

Tanah Airku.

2010-08-28T13:00:00.008+08:00

I have always wanted to write about Malaysia. xD but was afriad that I'd get tangkap-ed. But hey, I went to Ryo's blog and read what he wrote about Malaysia. What he wrote was genuinely true. :) So, if I kena tangkap, he kenas too! So, no worries. We can go to jail together. Haha.

I hope he doesn't mind me quoting him:

"I am not Malay. I am not Chinese. I am not Indian. I am MALAYSIAN."

LOL, and coincidently my mum once said that this is what Satu Malaysia means too. Guess great minds think alike! Haha.

But forgive me; because for me,
I'm a Chinese, but I AM a Malaysian, and A HUMAN BEING TOO.
Yes, you're a Malay, but you still ARE a Malaysian and A HUMAN BEING TOO.
You're an Indian! But you ARE a Malaysian and A HUMAN BEING TOO.

and see, we all have TWO things in common -- We ARE ALL MALAYSIANS, and WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS.

Personally, I think politicians are the only ones who are trying to damage our minds and souls. C'mon, don't you realize that you're asking your people to be be ONE, but you're doing the oopposite thing? It's like ayah ketam asking anak ketam to walk in the right way. I tak boleh tahan dengan you guys anymore. Please, don't be so childish anymore. GROW UP! Seriously, if I really have the potential, I'd LOVE to unite ALL MALAYSIANS to menggulingkan every single political party. Oppositions and all. But, that is just impossible lah. Sigh, but imagine a world without politics, hah, that would be the nicest thing of all. Peace. :)

:) If you don't mind, Ryo, I'd like to quote you once again. hehehe.

Asking the respective races to go back to their "own country" doesn't give you more brains either. Who could be sure that their race was the first to be set foot on our land? More importantly - What. The. Hell. Does it give you?

True eh?

For those who doesn't know, every Malaysian's own country is Malaysia for your information. :) Err, so how're we suppose to go back to our own country when we are already in OUR OWN COUNTRY--Malaysia?

And I've said this lots of times before:
Merealisasikanlah slogan "Satu Malaysia". Stop shouting "Satu Malaysia" because Satu Malaysia 不是拿来挂在嘴边的。 And I believe, Satu Malaysia has already existed in rural areas that are not polluted by the "speeches" politicians are giving. And that is what "Satu Malaysia" genuinely means. ~~Shit on politicians~~

不是手指比一个“一”，然后拍一张照片就是所谓的"Satu Malaysia" 了。
Haha, and now, everytime I hear of the term "Satu Malaysia", I shiver. As in "disgusted--shiver".
因为那些真正懂得"Satu Malaysia" 的意思的人，不会再用嘴巴说出来了。Instead,他们会履行它。

Btw，I LOVE Tanah Airku, but NOT the politicians.
xD and recently I've just joined a "Lagu Patriotik" workshop. It was amazing, and I finally found the true meaning of Negaraku. Eventhough it's a song that we sing almost every Sunday, eventhough it's a song we can already memorize it by heart, evengthough it's a song with simple melody, but have you ever tried to FEEL it?
Here, FEEL it for yourself. :)

Negaraku
Negaraku
Tanah tumpahnya airku
Rakyat hidup bersatu dan padu
Rahmat bahgia
Tuhan kurniakan
Raja kita selamat bertakhta

And another song that really would ignite the love for Malaysia in our hearts.
A tribute to Malaysian warriors. Those that already have sacrificed for our country. The ones that truly love Malaysia.

Inilah Barisan Kita

Tanah Pusaka

Malaysia. A land without bencana alam(s). Love Malaysialah, people.

NO! STOP! DON'T KILL ME!

2010-08-23T21:29:00.003+08:00

I CAN HARDLY BREATHE! IT'S SUFFOCATING ME! MY OESOPHAGUS IS BLOCKED! IS THERE SOMEBODY TO HELP ME??!?! NOOOooooflaks;fjak;lf a;kejra;lkerja; lkj;vlakj;lfkja;lkrje;a1

Damn. Boredom is killing me. Seriously, I have NOTHING TO DO. Okay, that's not true. I HAVE A BUNCH OF THINGS TO DO! Let's see, I have homework and revision and... err... no more. Yeah, I think that's it. I think I should do some homework since PMR is round the corner. WAIT! HELL NAWWWW! I don't want to sit at the table doing nothing other than homework! I don't want my brain to get damaged! :( By the way, blame laziness for not letting me finish my homework. It is creeping in me again. *Steps on it, slams slippers into it*

BUT NOOOO! LAZINESS, IT JUST WON'T DIE! It's like the invincible cockroach! D: Dwelling inside my heart, making my heart filthy! Ewww. And laziness, it's expanding and expanding inside my body, my mind, my soul. Until there's no more space for it anymore. I feel like bursting! AHHHHHH!

Ish, and laziness steered me away from the books I WAS going to read. It drove me away from the homework I WAS going to do. And here am I sitting in front of the laptop, typing nonsense. Come to think of it, I DID do something else. I watched TV! But no, that plan failed. There was absoloutely nothing interesting enough to entertain a bored human, etc: me. In fact, it just made me even bored-er. Then I tried erm, sleeping. That helped a teeny weeny bit. Till Sin Jou came over to my house and made me do Sejarah homework. But I was still feeling bored. Something told me that Sin Jou was feeling rather bored too by the way. So we sat at the table, feeling reaaaallllyyyyyy bored, gossiping about boring stuff and doing reaaaaally boring Sejarah homework. UNTIL... my eyes shifted towards Sin Jou's "Shopaholic takes Manhattan"! :D THAT BOOK. Finally, I found something that is DEFINITELY NOT BORING. But *sob* that book doesn't belong to me. So, I didn't feel any better though. -.-

Hah, but watching the Chinese Opera that was showing at Taman Sejati managed to make me feel un-bored for a second. Sad to say, the opera wasn't as interesting as the one I watched at Taman Meranti. (Oh yes, I Looooveeee Chinese Operas! Especially the make-up! Nicee! <3>boober-rooper-cooker-wooper-yooper-zooper boring post. HEH.

Side note: :( I got a B for Science. FOR SCIENCE! MANNN, can you even imagine that?! B FOR SCIENCE! *sob* I tried my best to get one mark from my teacher-- to make me skip to grade A! But my teacher just won't. Haha, and I think I annoyed her somehow. XD

2010-08-08T22:54:00.003+08:00

I have to mug. I really have to do serious mugging. :(

Wish me luck guys.

LuLu in Her LaLa Land

2010-08-02T17:35:00.002+08:00

Haha, I'm here to promote my stupidness. :) This was what I wrote last year I think.

After 14 years breathing in this world, I still haven't get a grip of what I'm doing on this planet. Maybe I've been using up oxygen and producing more carbon dioxide for the plants, or you can phrase it as "balancing the nature". LOL. Hmm, or maybe spending money to balance the world economy? Or, I'm here in the earth to make it wilder! To make people laugh and also to break people's hearts. And too, I realised that I've been living in my happy-fantasay-lala-land for years! It's funny how I can turn into another "organism" when the night falls. Changing bit by bit as the stars shine brighter in the night sky, changing bit by bit everytime the moonlight touches the tree tops outside my window. I morph, and morph.And then, I'll become VERY different from what you see in me everyday.

Because... I'm a... a.... a... a... a... *stammering* I'm... I'm... a... *Be patient*... I'll tell you what I am even I'm forbidden not supposed to say...cause... I can't keep it any longer.... I can't hide it any longer... or I'll... I'll burst! I'll burst into teeny-weeny pieces! OH, ALRIGHT. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I AM! I'M A WEREWOLF!! I think I'm one of Jacob's type-shape-shifters. Maybe I'm not a werewolf like Prof. Remus Lupin, I'm not sure. Cause I can change into a wolf at anytime like Jacob. Even in the day. But when the moonlight *i mean full moon* starts to eat up my soul, I'll forge into a wolf eventhough I do not want to, like a werewolf. Hmm, maybe I'm a cross-breed! :D Maybe you'll be telling me that I'm so so lucky to be something inhuman, but no. Try to imagine your fingers turning into sharp claws; fur dying to burst out from your pores of your hands, turning bit by bit and eventually, it became PAWS. Then imagine yourself becoming taller and taller, bones inside you are turning larger and larger. And mind you, it hurts. So, you think you can grow so big without enduring pain? OF COURSE NOT! You have to swallow all your tears! And the worst thing of all is you'll have a tail sticking out of your bottom. Oh Gosh, you'll never know what it feels like except you've went through it. Eventhough it doesn't sore, but it stings! That feeling's a little bit... a little bit funny. Tickles you a lot. A LOT.

And because of Twilight, everybody's curious about these topics-
FAQ:Does werewolves hate vampires? Does werewolves exist? Does vampires exist? If so why do werewolves hate vampires? Is Stephenie Meyer right about why werewolves hate vampires?
Answer: Yes. Stephenie Meyer's quite right. And that's why I always prefer Jacob over Edward. :) But I don't remember the smell of any vampires though.

OH OKAY. I'LL STOP IMMERSING INTO THE FANTASY WORLD. I'M NOT A WEREWOLF! YEA, I'M NOT! I CERTAINLY AM NOT. I'M NEITHER A WOLF NOR A WEREWOLF NOT EVEN A SHAPE-SHIFTER!. Erm, okay. I'm a bit off topic already. *pulls myself back to the main topic* See the title? Lulu in her lala land? Yes. I am LuLu and I often drift off to my LaLa land. -ignore the lameness in picking the name LuLu- Especially when it's dark and when it's time to go to bed. It's so fun how you get to be so close to your idols in your own fantasy land*yes, yes I'm one crazy fangirl!*, it's so fun how you get to do magic in your own lala land, how you get to do stuff you never get to do in the realistic world. It is so funnn! :D:D And oh, you get to be a character from your favourite book or TV show there too! Tell me, HOW FUN IS THAT?! :) And nope, I don't do that in my dreams, I don't do that when I'm sleeping. I do that when I'm hundred percent awake and alert. I don't know if any of you does that before sleeping- immersing into a world that has nothing you can't do, nothing you can't be! Drifting off into a land that has no boundaries, taking my feet off to somewhere where no one will truly recognise me, no one will define me. You can do whatever you like there.
p.s I sometimes become an anime character!

And so, I AM LULU IN LALA LAND! :D

UGHHHHH.

2010-08-02T15:32:00.002+08:00

Gossip is just not good. D:

So, I shall talk less next time *shows an innocent smile*.

Gahh, I hope the misunderstandings wouldn't spoil the friendship between us.

一个很怪的对话

2010-07-31T00:25:00.002+08:00

从很忧郁。。。到最后。。。变成。。。自己看看吧！:D
这是直接copy&paste的。有点乱。不过，要看的话，就迁就迁就一下咯。

*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*anyeon
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*annyeong!
*hahaha
*oops, wait a min
*i hv to do sumthg first
*hhaaha
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*ok
*i boleh tunggu
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*sudah balik! :D
*ahhaha
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*cepatnya amboi
*XD
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*hahaha
*i pi take cake n eat lah
*haha
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*==
*haiz
*lagging on fb
*wasting time
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*yea, fb chat is very cacat haha
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*ya..no emoticons
*i mean,few
*i actually considered deleting my fb account
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*oh.
*D: why
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*but i didnt do so bcoz
*..
*..
*..
*bcoz..
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*izit okay for u to tell me? D:
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*i can share songs with you guys^^..
*and one more important reason is
*..
*(maybe sounds stupid to you)
*for a guy
*==
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*ahh...
*wat happened? D:
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*i duno how to say..
*long story
*he's my campmate
*last yr at china
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*oh, the kedahan?
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*..padang serai..yeah..
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*:)
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*that's why i envy you
*so close..
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*lol don't. cuz i dun even knw him hahaha
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*i just want to be in your place..haha..crazy lol
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*hahaha
*come come!
*xD
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*he's a great person
*you'll want to know him
*that day i confessed to him
*so funny,he asked me i like him,or love him
*==
*he insists that those two are not same
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*lol and wat did u tell him?
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*i say love,but after that i say,no,love is quite over..it's between like and love
*but in my heart i knew i love him
*very very much
*qb
*haha
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*n wat did he say?
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*he accepted my love quite openly
*but actually his answer is no
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*D:
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*he said he dunno how to answer me coz he's afraid it'll break my heart
*this sentence broke my heart more
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*D: n now.. it feels awkward rite?
*well, frankly speaking, i've never had that kind of feeling b4. D:
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*oo1
*really?that's..maybe you're still innocent
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*lol i'm an innocent angel~~ haha
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*now i'm on fb just to tunggu him
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*:)
*good luck
*but u guys are not together now?
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*no..我總是在痴痴地等
*所以才叫十年，為等一刻
*十年都願意等
*可惜他不懂
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*well, i'll wish you good luck again.
*maybe u should come here to kedah n find him during the hols?
*haha
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我也想
*但是他應該不會歡迎我
*你有看我fb的note嗎
*就是在講他
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*the sodagreen one?
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我set private，有允許你看
*不是，是那個英文的
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*wait i go hv a look
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*記得like喔 haha
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*okok!
*:D
*hehee
*哎呀，怎么看你的notes ah? D:
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*那是我告白前寫的
*哈哈
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*i'm at ur profile rite now
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*等下喔…………
*你可不可以試試去你自己的notes那邊
*看有沒有
*我再研究看看
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*okok
*等会儿哦
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*沒關係，我已經加了一個notes的box了
*你更新我的profile就可以看到
*我覺得自己好賤，人家都拒絕了還要在等
*所以我近日很難受
*但是不敢寫在博客
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈。。。是这样的啦
*relaxxxxxx
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*哈哈我沒有在輕鬆
*很複雜矛盾
*因為我詩意的靈魂害我
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈。。。也好
*xD
*至少你有更多的东西写
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我覺得如果一樣東西讓你一觸就會痛，那還是避免比較好
*時間久了，或許還會有感觸，但是好一些
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*不过，如果往好的方面来看。。。是一个很不错的“经验”
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*哈哈但是不會有益
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*在青春期里有做点“不寻常”的东西
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我不想忘記他，不想忘記他的樣子他的笑聲他的歌聲
*是很好的回憶吧
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*嗯
*至少你有遇过一个会给你这种感觉的人。。。:)
*十年后来看这件事，应该会觉得很...特别
*哈哈
*我词穷，不知道要怎么形容
*xD
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*心領神會就好啦
*D
*我不知道我會不會為了他，不再去看別人
*會很慘的……嫁不出……
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈。。。不好这样
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*以後的事以後才煩吧
*嫁不出就認命
*不過我真的覺得我自己很賤
*這種感覺，討厭自己的感覺很不好呢
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈不要为了这样的事而讨厌自己啦
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*是啰，我领悟了，要使自己更加完美才对……
*当作是动力吧…………说到底还是为了他==
*这种就是为情所困，而且是庸人自扰
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*xD 不过，是好的耶！
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*最近一直在唱黄小琥的家后
*感觉很浪漫…………
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*:) 那首歌，我妈和我都很喜
**喜欢
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*嗯她叫她老公先走
*因为怕他为她哭
*这句是我的最爱
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*对阿。。。
*写得很真实
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我有时在想，你们这些还没有情窦初开的人真的很好
*你们的生活是不是过得很写意呢
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈。。。还好啦
*每个人都有不同的烦恼
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*你在烦什么呢？
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*就很多阿
*唉。。。也不知道
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*怪哦，每次大家烦恼的东西我都不会很烦
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*不要烦到头发白就好了
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*其实，我也不知道自己在烦什么。。。
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*青春期咯
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*就是心里很不适滋味
*哈哈哈
**不是
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*可能是你不想安于现状，想出外闯，或者体验新的东西
*年轻人都是这样的
*（讲到自己好像很老酱）
*……
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*xD 我每次讲话都这样耶。。。例如，看到一些年轻人的行为就觉得很厌倦，然后就跟我妈说：“你看，现在年轻人就是这样”
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*对！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*我妈就会：“你不也和他们一样年纪吗？”
*然后我就直接被炸道
**到
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我妈会很欣慰咯
*她认为我的思想很老成
*==
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*我妈会笑我
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我不懂为什么大家要染发，这是一点
*我有个朋友染发，我觉得很难看，不敢告诉她
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*吓！不过，说实在的。。。我想要染发。。还要染那种白头发
*哈哈哈哈哈。。。
*整头白发。白发魔女
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*白发好过金头发
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*你朋友染什么颜色阿？
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*铜色
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*...
*我不喜欢
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*让我觉得好像生锈……
*哈哈
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈哈哈哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*lady gaga的白发不错
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*而且，你不觉得现在的人自拍照都一样的吗？
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*但是我应该珍惜我拥有黑头发的日子（不多了）
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*哦，对啊
*自拍……
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*不要想那么多鞡
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*唉唉……
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*btw, 他们全部做到眼睛大大，嘴巴小小
*好像什么alien那样
*放在fb,都认不出是谁
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*对，有些从下面拍上去……
*恶心哪
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*geli 到。。。哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我有一个冬令营朋友，他，听好，是他，拍那种装可爱的照片，还把手卷起来放在嘴巴那边
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*omg.
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*哇老，我都没有这么够力
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*最受不了
*说实在的啦，拍那种手放在嘴巴那边的照片，好像在拍艳照
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*而且是个男生
*……
*……
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*而且还是“他“
*对阿
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*所以绝对不要找同龄男生
*超级幼稚的
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*而且现在年轻人“美”的定义都是一样的。。。
*都是白白瘦瘦眼睛大大嘴巴小小头发要有刘海
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我喜欢林忆莲的风格
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*很有味道
*哈哈
*陈琦贞的简单风格也不错
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*眼睛小，也可以很好看，不算美，但很舒服
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*嗯
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*哈哈我现在在当狗仔队
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈哈怎么说呢？
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*去FB检查所有他的照片
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*xD
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*不是那个发姣的他，是那个我喜欢的他
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*STALKER! hahha
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*哈哈
*对～
*他小时候很好笑……样子很好笑……可爱
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈。。。
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*抱歉，你一定觉得我超级无聊
*不需否认，我也这么认为
*哈哈
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*没有啦
*真的没有
*差不多身处“情海”的人都会这样做
*我朋友都是这样哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*所以我和他们沦为同类……可悲……
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈对不起啦~~~
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我们都是受困的人们……
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈
*但愿时间会冲淡一切。:)
*很老秃
**老土
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*哈哈
*会的，但是感觉不变
*突然在想，拜托，才认识他12天而已！！！
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*LOL
*哎哟，不要想那么多啦
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*你又来……老土……
*嘿嘿嘿
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*我真的词穷啦！
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我认为我们的性格很吴青峰
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*我没有这方面的经验。请原谅我吧！
*xD
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*好的
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*突然，吴青峰变成了形容词
*哈哈，btw, 你看到他的时候，真的“小鹿乱撞”阿？ XD
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*看到谁？
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*那个人鞡
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*oo1
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*就像每次戏里阿，小说里说的一样吗？
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*在冬令营时，对他没感觉，最后一天才…………………………
*有一点啦
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*可以归类为"LOVE IN FIRST SIGHT"
*haha
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*好像绮贞说的，他变成信仰
*哪里一见钟情，我见他11天都没感觉
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哦
*最后一天
*我看成了过后一天
*哈哈
*sorry
*“他变成信仰”

*拜拜*
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我后悔在11天没有多了解他
*我本来不了解‘太阳’那句歌词的意思
*现在懂了
*完全明白了
*信仰
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈，谢谢你为我解释。。。因为我原本也不大明白
*就乱猜一通
*看，有在这份“伤”里，博取了又另一个好处
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*嗯嗯，就是很信任他，依赖，做事为了他
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*你妈妈不知道吧？
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*当然不懂
*我不会把这种事大肆宣扬
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*不过我的舅舅懂
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哦。。。
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*他很open的，还叫我跟他保持联络
*他看得出我很喜欢他，虽然我只是轻描淡写'i have a crush'
*真是我的好舅舅
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*haha
*但是如果你妈妈知道了，会怎么样？
*只是好奇问问
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我不会去理，也不会去谈，她要跟我聊我都不会接受
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哦。。。
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*因为这种私人情感暴露出来赤裸裸的很难堪
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*会有点不好意思咯。。。。
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*嗯
*说回那个吴青轰喔
*他在外面装得很惹人爱，而且超级搞笑
*可是他私底下是很忧愁的
*才可以写出这么有才的作品
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*抑郁症嘛
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*现在好像还有痕迹
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*往往忧郁的人写的东西，普通人都看不大明白
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*只有像我们这种半忧郁的人才明白
*我在别人面前真的很虚伪
*没办法
*累了就自己在被窝里安慰自己
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*:)
*其实，我也没有一个真正的好朋友
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*连我被拒绝后，我的朋友很尴尬地看着我，我还笑着说没事
*我也是
*我的朋友，只是好朋友，但是很少共同点
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*我有很多不同"genre"的朋友
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*对～接受度很广啊
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈对对
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*没办法是生存法则之一
*必须海纳各类人物
*所以我的性格只能被归类为‘可塑性’
*我遇见谁，我就是谁
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*当我和那种成绩很好，很斯文的人在一起谈话时，就会显得很文静；但如果和普通人谈话时，我会有点siao
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*唉
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*。。。我们都一样
*哈哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*好朋友，握个手
*嘻嘻
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈
*好朋友！
*哈哈
*我有是也认为自己有点虚伪，但，能怎么办？
*也许这就是我？
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*反正别人不知道，就算了吧
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈对咯
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*装给他们看，让他们有错觉，以为我们是这么完美的
*哈哈
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈
*我们很贱耶
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*对，就是这种感觉
*你终于明白了
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*嗯！
*XD
*不过，我觉得和我小学朋友在一起真的比较舒服，没有那么束缚
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*真的……
*很单纯嘛
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈对咯
*就像我一样那么地单纯
*哈哈
*没有拉，开玩笑~~ XD
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我不信咯哈哈你单纯什么呀
*别装啦
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*不要打击我啦~~
*xD
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*都几岁了
*哈哈
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*才15岁而已。。。:)
*为什么我们说话突然变成这样啊？
*XD
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*又不是5岁…………
*哈哈
*很奇怪的对话
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*对阿
*从很忧郁，变成这样
*有点怪。
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*所以这是可塑性
*蛮平衡的性格，我蛮享受
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*对。我们就继续这样下去呗！
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*中国腔……==
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈。我喜欢
*挺平衡的性格，我挺享受
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我也是，咱们这样特好的
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*对呀。
*xD
*蛮=台湾
挺=中国
*有没有这样发现到？
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*很变态咯，我们的对话，我觉得post在fb会很流行
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈哈哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*copy到完然后post出来
*大家一定喜欢
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*突然变回马来西亚腔
*xD
*要不要？
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*恐怖而不为人知的……两个女生的…………邪恶对话……
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈哈哈哈啊哈哈哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*好啦，大马就大马咯
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*有没有变态了点？
*对lahhhh，怕什么？！
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*超级sampat咯
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*walau a
*hahaha
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*够够力
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*够力到我beh tahan ah
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*bo liao的，浪费时间打屁喔～
*诶，变回台湾了?
*打屁
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*打辟！
**屁
*哈哈
*哦对，而且很多台湾人特爱讲：“就。。。那个。。。。对阿”
*我超爱学他们的腔调
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*是啦，一直就是就是就是就是
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*很有风味啊
*～～～
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈哈哈
*不要紧，马来西亚也是很有风味啦~~
*就是一直加 "loh" "lah" "leh" "mah" 在句子后面
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*可是台湾妹的爹声爹气……不能忍受……我不懂怎样打有女字旁的爹
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈我也不懂
*不过，很受不了
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我们很大马
*大马是形容词
*XD
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*对！
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*真是够力劲的大马妹
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*XDXD
噢，那天，老师叫我们写“爸爸万岁”
*我把“万岁”改称形容词
*我爸爸很晚岁
**万岁
*他怎样怎样怎样。。。。
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*哈哈
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*老师给的评语：“嗯，你爸爸真的很“万岁”
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我还以为你要写成我爸很晚睡
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈哈
*不小心打错啦~
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*你干脆写我爸是万岁
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*xD
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*那你就是公主了
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈！
*是咯！
*是咯！你讲的，很对咯！
*haha
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我突然很想把我们的疯狂对话post上我的博客
*==
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*post lah!
*xD
*我很乐意的！
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*怎样？
*原封不动可以hor?
*大马式发音
*hor
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*okay!
*hahahha
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*copy然后直接paste?
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*okay leh!
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*这么够力噢
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*hahah
*我也要！
*你okay 啦 hor?
*不过，前面讲的那些事情。。。你可以公开阿？
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*可以啊
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈哈，反正我也没有什么读者
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*只是我自己的博客要删掉那个染发的部分
*我怕我朋友看到
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*XD
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我是说，她一定会看到
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*贱。
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*她很喜欢我的博客
*==
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈哈
*可怜你的朋友xD
*女的哦？
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我很虚伪吧
*对
*哈哈
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*小心点
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*善意的谎言
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈
*没关系，我也常做这样的事
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*你可以去post啦
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*wait ah
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*啊！还有那个讲他是吉打人的，我在我的博客也要删掉～
*他妹妹有看我的博客
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*XD
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*（空
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈去删掉吧！
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*唉，我cacat的博文
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*我的博客整个都是cacat 地
*放心
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*哈哈没关系残缺也是壮烈的美丽
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*是的。非常赞同你的说法
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*很文学……文学变成形容词
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哈哈哈阿
*什么都可以是形容词
*你很什么咯！
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*是啦，好像我可以讲，那个宁蔚很什么的咯，任由别人推测你是怎样的人
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*现在真正的，连什么都可以是形容词
*对
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我们的想法一致
*握手
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
**high 5*
*hahahahaha
*high 5 比较 high 一点啦
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
**别砸我的头～～
*我只是在握手
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*。。好啦
*握手就好。
*哈哈
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D sends:

MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哦，我有是会觉得，每个“大马型语气助词”都带有不同的意思咯
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*对咯对咯
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*只要加不同的助词就可以是不同意思了
*哈哈
*例如。。。
*嗯。。
“你吃饱饭了阿（第三声的阿）”
“我吃饱饭了咯”
“我也是吃饱饭了咧”
*leh and loh 不同
*哈哈
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*你吃饱饭做么
*你吃饱liao啊
*你吃什么meng kia
*好吃没有
*很大马式
*果然
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*我“刺”饱饭廖
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我还没有leyh
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*做么你没有刺？！
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*因为我没有牙此
*讲话才会变成酱紫
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*哦！原来如此
*哈哈
*有押运
*xD
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*够力好笑咯
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*你不“资道”我们“四”酱好笑的咩？
*我们本来就四酱的啦~
*unicefRui哲睿 says:
*我从来不懂的wor
*诶，要怎样拷贝上去博客？
MEidelynn녕위 ★ : D says:
*aiyoh. 不过表紧啦，现在懂就好了mah
*Alt A
*sorry
*是
*Ctrl+A
*两个一起按
*不用紧，等下我po 上我的blog
*你去拷贝我的就行了
*:D

I AM SO SORRY

2010-07-28T23:09:00.003+08:00

WHY? WHY AM I BEING SO FORGETFUL?! DAMN! :(

Sorry Hui Wen, I think you don't come to my blog but now that you're asleep and I can't phone you to apologize, I would want to say sorry to you at my blog.

:(

I AM SO SORRY. I really hate myself for being such an irresponsible person. I am so so SO SO SO SO SORRY!!

I totally forgot that I won't be going to school tomorrow and I still tell you that I'll be staying back till 3:00 pm! :( SHIT. sigh. I just hope that you'd forgive me.
:( :(

The old times are the best

2010-07-26T23:57:00.004+08:00

It's been three years since I've been in secondary school, but I still don't feel that I truly belong there. It's weird I know. I don't know if it's just a matter of time or, but Sin Min to me, is still an unfamiliar school; like a temporary one. But ~~Tai Tong~~ 6M(primary school class), is my home.

Eventhough I've got great friends right here in Sin Min, I must admit. Classmates this year are reallly crazy and fun to hang out with, but nothing beats the bond between us 6Mians. :) We do sometimes hate each other, (LOL, WHO DOESN'T HATE THEIR SIBLINGS AT TIMES?) but in the end, we still manage to find peace. XD Actually, I transferred to Tai Tong when I was in standard 4, and in 3 years time, I bonded with my classmates so much. So much that I couldn't believe how amazing it was!

归属感是我在中学找不到的。

Even teachers in primary schools are like parents to me. Well actually, I didn't like them so much during primary school, but come to think of it now, they love us sincerely. Whereas for the teachers in secondary school, not many of them really do care about us. What they do is just teach. But teachers in my primary school, they're different. They're really kind souls, so willing to dedicate their whole life for education. To educate and love the kids is their whole entire life. Sometimes, I pity Chen Lao Shi (my former mandarin teacher). Going to school and educating kids pretty much explains her life. She's not married until now, and she's probably reached the age of 51, or 52. Don't be shocked when you see her, cause she really does look like a kid. She's so naive sometimes! BUT, she is an annoying teacher. Always nagging you to do revision, to study. Somtimes, when she's really free, she'll make a call to your house to check if you're studying or not. See? Annoying much? But, come to think of it, she didn't mean it in a bad way though. What she wants is to make us succeed in UPSR. :) She treats us just like her kids. She calls us 孩子. Well, cause she doesn't have any I think. But she didn't do it in a fake way. Like the other Chen Lao Shi we have in secondary school. THAT Chen Lao Shi calls us 宝贝. But sorry, WE DON'T FEEL YOUR LOVE. We feel your SACARSM. She's calling us 宝贝 to make us feel guilty for not treating her better. Yucks. Eww.

Have to head to bed. D: I haven't even memorized my moral nilais and definitions. Damn. Screw you exams.
Btw, AAHHH, I just miss 6M.

But things change. Because people change. It's really sad to see the 6M bond withering. And it always involves misunderstandings. No one is willing to say sorry, and no one is willing to forgive first. Stubborn people, sigh. I just don't understand why you guys could stand to see your friendship breaking? Where's the tolerance? Please don't make other people who wants the bond back suffer. It really is suffocating me. Grr. I just really hope you guys can solve your own problems. After PMR, we come out yum cha again. I hope we'll get back a whole 6M.

太多。

2010-07-23T12:34:00.004+08:00

I can't resist the temptation to put this up here. :) The lyrics are just plain beautiful. Simple words can also form a song full of warmth.

把所有简单的文字窜起来也能够编成一首让人觉得温暖，感动的歌曲。

我喜欢这个网民在这个video的留言

sssukkiii
聽這首歌
讓我病態地沈溺在孤獨，享受著寂寞的時間。

顿时，寂寞不再是件难过的事情。:)

不能喜欢太多。

喷泉与玫瑰；钻石与眼泪

2010-07-22T15:34:00.002+08:00

镶着钻石的玫瑰花
孤立在那片草原上。
那片草原没有长得茂盛地大树
也没长得青翠的草
就只有枯了的一颗颗树
与一株株濒临死亡的茅草。
只有她那么一朵
玫瑰花
独立站在草原中央

于是女孩，
走近一看。

啊。
花儿与钻石闪耀着的光芒亮丽得
让女孩无法阻挡。

于是随手拿了
枯了的藤
把自己的手绑在镶着钻石的玫瑰花上。

唏嘘。

突然。
嘀嗒嘀嗒
红色的血液从伤口
一颗一颗地流了下来
它们雀跃万分
“终于逃出血管了！”他们说道

它们也
从外边呼吁里面的血滴子
嚷嚷：“你们快出来呀！这里风景实在太美丽了！”
接着，一滴一滴的鲜红色液体
从伤口飞奔了出来

“啊！”他们喊道。
“啊！”女孩哭道。
红色液体喷得到处都是
透明眼泪喷得倒出都是；

顿时。
女孩变得越来越瘦了！
伤口如关不上的闸门，
血液全部都冲出来了！

就如喷泉一样。
阿，多么美丽啊。
鲜红色的喷泉；
鲜红色的玫瑰；
一闪一闪的钻石；
一闪一闪的眼泪。

Everybody needs water.

2010-07-15T23:20:00.000+08:00

Foreword: This is something realllllly crappy. I'm bored so I write crap. Crapping is something I do when I'm bored. I've never produced something that is not crappy by the way.

I can't believe I couldn't stand up straight anymore. My lower body is wizening but my upper body just gets more and more curvacious! Don't ask me why, I don't study science.

If you happen to ask where's my manners, here it is. Let me introduce myself. My name is Cactus-O and I live in a vase.

Cacti. People often define cacti as a plant that can live longer than any plant in a condition without water. With the needles all over the body of a cacti, causing dangerous humans that could harm them, some even define cacti as a strong and independant plant.

But unfortunately, I'm not one of them. I just don't understand why I'm different from the other cacti! I can live without water for quite a couple of weeks, but I just can't survive anymore! And the worst thing is, I don't even have needles to protect myself from getting hurt! Maybe I should've listened to my momma's advice to pick up karate when I was a kid. BUT! Being a headstrong cactus, I did not heed my mum's advice, and look what I am now. Rotting inside an empty vase.

By the way, I'm here to tell you that : My owners don't feed me water! C'MON, CACTI NEED WATER TOO! Not that I want it, WE NEED IT. Look at me now, I have wrinkles all over my once jade-green body! The wrinkles are hideous, they're actually BROWN IN COLOUR! and my vulnerable "needles" are apparently, FALLING OFF! Do you really want to see me in a bald state? I hope not, 'cause a horrible looking cactus may cause death to the person looking at it. It's ugliness would penetrate your eyes and send bad viruses throughout your whole body and the virus will run in your blood. After an hour or so, say goodbye to the world. Why? Don't ask me why though, this was what my momma told me.

Conclusion: I am an ugly cactus. Cut my hideous parts off and chuck them into the bin or flush it down the toilet before my ugliness murder you.

Well, I'm just kidding.

TheRealConclusion is: I NEED WATER. PLEASE GIVE ME SOME. thankyouverymuch.

2010-07-13T22:54:00.003+08:00

I really don't want to be mean or anything but, sometimes it just bugs me when you keep asking about her! I have other things to do other than telling you what she likes and dislike okay? You should know that you really do sound like a stalker sometimes. And an annoying one. Here's a tip for you: if you really want to know more about her, please, approach her, will you? Gahhhhh. If you come kacau me again, I hope you won't blame me for shoving you off.

Yikes.

2010-07-12T22:00:00.003+08:00

I shall work on how to be a silent girl. And a good good girl. Maybe being an emo child isn't that bad after all. I'll try it out some time.
And p/s: :( Being crazy, loud and out of control isn't really that fun at all times. Sigh.

By the way, it's been such a long time since I've been following up with Kpop news recently. I just don't find any of them interesting enough for me. I miss the old Kpop industry. When everybody was so nice and talented.

Dong Bang Shin Ki... :( When I thought I was immune to the pain, their songs just played in my head and my heart cringed once more. I seriously do miss Dong Bang Shin Ki/TVXQ/Tohoshinki. They're like one of the Gods in Kpop, and I'm bugged that somehow, those new K-pop fans don't even know about them. HELLO, I MEAN, HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW ABOUT THEM? Or maybe they know them but they just don't realize how legendary they are! The ones that know DBSK would say, "Dong Fang Shen Qi? Oh, that old kpop group izit? Aiyah, now Kpop equals to Beast/B2st (i don't even know what's their actual name), MBLAQ, Z:EA, U-Kiss blah blah blah blah blah." Oh, and everybody LOVES Hyunjoong from S S Five Zero One a.k.a S S Wu Ling Yi. MEH! After the BOF craze, here comes the Minam craze. -.-

Love in The Ice. One of the classics.

They sound like fallen angels! They never fail to amaze me with their voices. And the harmonization is just awesomely good.

Watching videos of DBSK members teasing each other and having fun really brings me back to the old days. Having a whole big file of their pictures in my laptop really makes me feel good. Too bad, my lappie was sent for reformatting and I forgot to save my pictures in another hard disk first, so, sigh, there goes the pictures. I still remember how much agony I was in when I found out that my DBSK pictures are all gone. D: *sigh*.

Jaejoong.
Yunho.
Micky.
Junsu.
Changmin.

Eventhough I'm a little bit annoyed by how the Cassiopeias react, but still, I like them for loving the Dong Bang boys so much. Love them for sticking with them all the time.

For a weird reason, their songs made me in a better mood. At least better than just now. Aaah, but I still miss them.

2010-07-05T18:35:00.002+08:00

how do you differentiate :

'pop punk' from 'pop rock'?!
or
'alternative rock' from 'pop rock'?!
or
'alternative rock' from 'pop punk'?!

WTH.

HOW DO YOU DIFFERENTIATE ALL THE SUBGENRES AND FUSION GENRES OF ROCK MUSIC FROM ONE ANOTHER?!

Wikipedia isn't helping. Don't ask me to search it on google please. I need someone to tell me! hahaha.

Updates

2010-06-21T17:16:00.005+08:00

I currently have nothing to blog about but I can't stand the fact that the latest post I wrote was an emo post. (Sorry, I don't wanna delete it cuz there're actually two people who commented; I don't want to delete their comments and make them sad! Okay 0ookay, i'll admit it lah, I love seeing the "4 smiles" hanging around in my blog! IT MAKES ME HYPER! And here I seek your permission to allow me to write something very un-readable and boring. And that is, Things Going on With My Life. Days I've went through. :)

Drama
HAHAHA. Yeah, I joined drama this year. It's fun! Goofing around with the members are always a fun thing to do(err of course, practicing is fun too!)! OH YEAH. xD 8D Except that we have to wear costumes during practices and endure the stares people gave us. I only get on stage for one scene lah, haha! Lucky me. But... my lines are so long. I'm scared that I'll forget them on the competition day. Oh, and our competition is on WEDNESDAY. THIS WEDNESDAY. HAHAHAHA. XD I miss my pink fingernail! Don't you, Clarissa?

School and Studies and The Dreaded PMR
Shit. I did not do serious revision during the holidays. Despite feeling quite guilty about that, I'm still procrastinating. I guess the only thing I'm really really good at would be procrastinating. Laziness is eating up my soul. Gah, I know, there's no one to help me but I still want to shout: HELP ME FROM BEING EATEN UP BY SLOTHINESS! Mind you, 'sloth' is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. ~~Sigh, I hate to say this, but I may end up in hell if I keep on being lazy.~~ It's raining outside, and I don't feel like studying eventhough I've missed out quite a lot of lessons today. Oh well, shall do it later. :(

Internet/Online/Surfing the net
Blah. I don't know what to do when I'm online. -.- The only things I do is
a) Facebook
b) ... ... Hotel City. Facebook lah.
c) ......... And it's still Facebook.
Oh, and about facebook! Moi name on FB is changed. Boredom leads me to do stupid things, so if you think it's lame and unnecessary, please do blame "Bore". He's my new friend now! :D BTW, my name on FB is "Boom Bang Bam". Explosive? Yes kan? Haha. And now friends keep throwing questions like this on facebook chat! xD
Friend. Me.
"Who are you? "
"Boom Bang Bam. "
"Who are you lah? "
"Meidelynn lah. "
Okay, I know this is lame. Sorry. nnnL.

Talking about getting online, I used to check on kpop news EVERYDAY since 2008. But s Every second that I could get online, I'll be on any kpop sites to check on for Kpop News. But since year 2010, I'm too lazy to do it already. Plus, TVXQ is not doing any group activities, which is dissapointing, and that's probably the main reason why I'm not following too much of Kpop news recently. Well, it doesn't mean that I don't support them individually but I just prefer them to be TOGETHER and sing together. :( I miss them, I miss the way they do acapellas! I just miss TVXQ. They're the only thing I'm clinging on to Kpop. Err... Not really lah, cuz I still like other korean bands but not as much as TVXQ. The affection for TVXQ is unbeatable. Same level with Mayday and Sadagreen. Sigh, I just hope every problem between them will wither off. :( (To tell the truth, I think the 'now-Mayday' is being very.... unrecognisable. I miss the old-Mayday.)

FIFA 2010
I didn't really catch the football fever, but I'm starting to like FOOTBALL! But this year's wasn't really good. I mean, it kinda sucks. Saw a couple of footages on the internet and the goals they made few years back was really incredible, and now - semua lam pek pek. And so many draws! -.- Tak syok. Well England wasn't THAT GOOD as I imagined, and Germany was erm... okay only? Argentina was good lah, can't deny, as they have Messi, The Best Player In The World ~~(kononnya)~~. -.- Walau, and the Italy match last night was SO DISSAPOINTING MAN! I was waiting for them to score just another goal, and mana tau, draw again! I expected them to be better than this! And now I'm just waiting for to watch Brazil. Oh yeah, forgot to say that the goalkeeper from South Africa- Khune really rocks! And the goalkeeper from Nigeria -Vincent Enyeama was really good too!

One day, one day, I will go to Mamak Store and feel the real excitement of FIFA.

Piano
Sob, I want to do better. Sigh, Practice Makes Perfect. Will have to practice more! I'm still wondering if I should go to the concert which costs RM50! D: And I don't have any friends to accompany me. Tssss, who cares right? I think I shall go lah.

Tua Thou and Huan Chu Thou
Big Head and Potato Head. This is a drama spoken in Hokkien! I really wanna watch it! 'Cause it's going to be spoken in Northern Part Hokkien and I feel warm whenever I hear Hokkien like this on a drama or on TV. :DD God, I really do hope I can make it! It's going to be showed on July 22-24, at KLPac. Tickets are sold at RM23! Which is quite cheap I might say. :D Anyone who wants to go, tell me kay? 8D

Guess that's all for today. :) Bye guys.

2010-06-04T12:50:00.004+08:00

And I've always thought that I'm a lucky girl - for I have aunts, uncles and lots of cousins, and they're always there for each other. But somehow, things changed. No, maybe nothing's changed, maybe the problems were always there and it's just that I didn't notice it.

Now all I could do is pray; I could only pray that everything wouldn't become worse. May the problems between us fall off and dissapear.

Oh, and if I've offended any of you, hope you'll forgive me and my family. :(

2010-06-02T00:08:00.002+08:00

Oh damn. Made a stupid decision. :( And now, I'M STUCK. SHIT.

Can't change it any longer, unless I want to be branded as an 'irresponsible person'. :( WHAT TO DO? Just keep it going I guess.

Come to think of it, I'm the one that's making myself suffer in the whole situation. It's not that bad after all. -.-

一篇廢話/

2010-05-24T23:35:00.006+08:00

Being emo again. D:

單純的可愛。- szeying
海浪把石頭磨成了一顆顆，渺小無比的沙。我們的那‘单纯的可爱’也一樣。被不停不停撲向我們的各種考驗侵蚀得无影无踪。然后从我们呼出的空气中流失掉了吧。薄情啊。

活在这世上已有十五年了。方才发现，我一年比一年冷漠，一年比一年无情。社会=一群人。所以人家说社会是那么的无情；应该是在指着人们吧。一大堆黑心脏的人们聚在一块，就变成了黑心的社会。然后不黑心的其他人，也会被感染。心漸漸地也變成了黑色的一團不停跳動的東西。

**

最近我有一个常考得全级前十名的朋友很激动地告诉我：“你知道吗？XXX 在这次历史考试中只错4题耶!! 我错十题！我真的好差哦！” 接着就是一片寂静。我也不知道该怎么安慰她。（因为我真的不擅长安慰人）但过不久，她又说了：“天啊！我真的很討厭考试！就是因为有考试，我越来越好胜。好胜心變強了之后，就会去討厭那些比我考得好的同学！真的很不好！”依據我的説法，她應該是討厭自己吧？我不知道這個推斷正不正確。但我有時候，也會經歷這種感受。過後才發現，其實我並不討厭那個人。我是在討厭我自己。討厭我自己爲什麽沒把那樣事情做好。討厭自己爲什麽不事先做好足夠的準備；什麽都等到最後一分鐘才打理事件。每一次，每一次都是這樣。

**

我媽說，我爸說，我老師說，我朋友們也說：
做人，一定要有責任感。

是的。無可否認，責任感的確很重要。我不怕承認，我是個無責任感的人。東西不見了，自己也不知道。直到我要用到那樣東西后，才發現“噢！原來我的東西不見了！”而且最奇怪的是，有些東西，再也找不囘了。到底去了哪裏，我也不曉得。

真得很討厭。所以，其實我當醫生或老師，是件很荒謬的事。別説當上醫生或老師啦，我們來説清潔工人好了。如果我是個清潔工人，我的掃把也會不見。很糟吧？嗯，有時我很啊Q, 自己覺得我擁有超高的魔力。能夠把東西弄不見，然後再也找不囘。只要去魔法學校練一練魔術，就可以完全控制好我的魔法。以後，要什麽不見，什麽就得不見。HAHAHAHAHAHA.

做夢。

**

沒什麽可以說的啦。今天的廢話就到此爲止吧。:) 先去收拾書包咯。還有，做功課 -.-

2010-05-21T12:12:00.002+08:00

:) Felt a tad better after reading my horoscope. I know that's lame, but it is somehow relevant to my situation.

心爱的东西被破坏了。但是，旧的不去，新的不来。

This was what I read -unintentionally- after knowing I made lots of STUPID AND UNWANTED mistakes in my exam. D:

专心做事，别再别思乱想，一分耕耘一分收获。

I think my results this time wouldn't reach my expectations but whatever lah, I'll keep working hard. And yes, I'll stop complaining and whining. Crying over spilt milk is useless. Keep moving on. But this is quite confusing. D: I don't know if I should go to BM tuition or not cause I'm no good in BM either. :( But mum says somehow it's asking me to keep my head in the game for whatever I'm doing. Maybe it means that I should pay attention on whatever I should be doing - which is... revise my Geography and Maths?

Oh IDK lah, I just hope I'd do better in PMR. :)))

Stay Tuned. 敬请期待。:)

2010-05-21T11:43:00.004+08:00

放开手。

Im going to let it go. I know I'd end up with not-so-good results, but I think I shall really move on. And making these mistakes doesn't mean that I'm going to do it over and over again right? Well, I guess I should unclench the past and let it go. Bye Bye.

敬请期待，你会看见一个焕然一新的我。

Midnight.../

2010-05-19T22:29:00.003+08:00

I haven't been sleeping much or well these days. And when I finally got to sleep, nightmares would wake me up, which is very very irritating. Next morning, I get up, look into the mirror, and all I can see is the dark circlesthat were formed under my eyes. I don't usually get panda eyes as I'm dark haha, and they're not that obvious if you're as dark as your dark circles. *I assume*. But this time, it's so dark that my friends would come up to me and say: "eh, you tak tidur last night ah?" Haha. It's so weird cause I sleep at one or two a.m. usually, every night I mean, but I never was tired like this before. REALLY TIRED. I was so tired that I slept during exams and was woken up by teachers and sometimes the ringing of the bell. Heeheee.

Believe me or not, this is the first time that I've slept during exams! It's syok. SYOK SYOK SYOK! Especially when you're in the morning session! Cool wind swooshing here and there, surroundings so quiet and somehow serene. :) Even dreams came to visit me! Not nightmares, but BEAUTIFUL dreams. I forgot what those were about by the way. ;)

Oh gosh, I think I really am not supposed to be here. I should be burried by KH facts, not blogging here. D: Ish, but the temptation is just too strong.

Oh well, gotta go. :D And I really need you wishing me luck for my exams.
PLEASE DO WISH ME LUCK! :DDD

2010-05-10T20:29:00.001+08:00

*
She tries and tries and tries and tries
But what she tries to mend wouldn't get right
She thinks and thinks and thinks and thinks
But what she doesn't know is that her brain actually stinks
She lashs and lashs and lashs and lashs
But all her efforts would just make her fash;
She could feel her soul burn
She could feel her insides turn
She could feel herself being churned;
But she couldn't find a way to fight
She couldn't find a way to make that feeling sink
She couldn't find a way to make it hurt less
And so all she could do is to
.
.
.
.
.
SPACE OUT AND LOSE CONTROL

*

I wrote this last year. Just found it so, randomly posted it up here. xD

Dreams

2010-05-07T00:36:00.008+08:00

Not every single dream we make will come true... but never lose the courage to dream, cause it's always fun to do so. To DREAM.

LOL. Had a random chatting 'session' with Yee Ker after Drama and found out we both have some really crazy dreams. xD

Please note: this is crap. Haha.

1. "Backpack around the world"! :D
I guess everybody wants too! BUT... someone, sponsor me please? XDDD

Oh by the way, my first place to go would be UK. UNITED KINGDOM. THE LAND OF... (what?) HARRY POTTER?? And after that, I'd go to Scotland. :) To find Nessie (eeek, i'm influenced by Tingjie). Nessie's my dear friend. It's been such a looooooooooooooong time since I've met her. Hope she's still fine. Global warming isn't affecting much there right, Nessie? Hope it doesn't. :)) Ness, if you ever happen to see this post, please remember: I LOVE YOU.♥ and I MISS YOU soo much! :) I know there are people who always come to kacau you, but just ignore them. They won't harm you I hope. And do remember to use your "boredomgic" to bore them kay? That'd be really useful I guess.

To... readers(do i even have readers?): "boredomgic" is a kind of "magic" that are used by Loch Nesses to bore the people who come to the lake, hoping to find one of the Loch Nesses.

After going to UK, of course I'll stop by at Paris. Then go to DISNEYLAND. HELLO DISNEYLAND. HOHOHO. Oh yea, and, Paris = Eiffel Tower. So I'm definitely going to pose at THE Eiffel Tower! XD It was to be said that Tour Eiffel was tan eyesore to most people when it was initially built. BUT NOW. IT'S ONE OF THE WORLD'S SEVEN WONDERS. :)

After UK and Paris, I'm going to RUSSIA. Visiting their churches which somehow look like mosques would be an amzing experience. :D HAHA. THEN GERMANY. The place where "History's Most Hated Führer(it means leader I think)"-Adolf Hitler lived. This reminds me of The Book Thief. (: HAH! and then TURKEY! Bet that's going to be good!! And I want to go to Iraq or Jerusalem (Israel). Aiyah, I just want to go round Europe lah.

After the Europe trips, I'm back to Asia! :DDDDD Go round Malaysia first lah. 'Cause by then, I would be homesick. Then ... just backpack around every part of Asia lah. Thailand, China, Korea, Japan, Phillipines etc. Wherever I wanna go, I'll go.

But erm, will that happen one day? I'd be broke if I really do that though. So, if there are any kind souls out there, please SPONSOR me. :)

2. Get 12 Alaskan/Siberian Huskies to form a "sleding-team" *what do you call that anyway?*
It was surprising that Yee Ker and I shared this same dream! :D I've always always loved Huskies. Especially those with Heterochromia! One eye blue, one eye grey. OMG. STUNNING. I'm not sure if they're loyal, but they seem like they are! :D And they look like they can be really good friends. Plus, I've watched a video on youtube before, there was this owner taking a video of her very "understanding" Husky! IT WAS SOOO CUTE! That Husky looks like it understands every word its owner says and it even know how to act! OMG!!

3. Be a famous author.
Haha, that wouldn't happen to me I think. I don't even write zuo wens or essays beautifully/poetically. But being an author, you get to write everything you like! (err, not everything but still... you get to write what's running in your mind right?) And it'd be perfect if your books sell really well and people love you! :DD And you get to sign those big and beautiful signatures !

4. Be that girl on stage with an acoustic/electronic guitar/piano.
Sedangkan I don't even know how to play a guitar. But struming the guitar is just so lovely. ♥ ♥ Of course, I hope that one day, I would become rajin-er to practice my piano. *sigh* 'cause now, I'm so lazy. Procrastination is bad. Very bad.

5. Make friends with horses.
Horses are just oh-so-beautiful. Their mane. *LOVE* God, and the way they run across the field - Kyaaaaa. ♥ The way their mane flies in the air when they gallop! OMG. *prettyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!* I wanna ride on them too! But I hope my weight is okay for them, or not they'll die carrying me around. D:

6. Have lions/tigers as pets!
Lions and tigers are lovable! Their cubs are cuteeeeeeee! More importantly, they look like great friends *minus the fact that they really can eat us* :)

7. Meet a Geisha someday and take a picture with her.
I'd like to try the geisha makeup too. Geishas are gorgeous! And their manners : refined. "Austerely" beautiful.

8. Meet a REAL Ninja and learn ninjitsu.
Ninjas! I'm not joking, they're cool. They can come and kill you so silently. One punch in the heart, you're dead. DEAD.

9. Be someone that has great Wushu skills.
I regretted that I ditched Wushu. :( Should've continued. *sigh* I want to be there and grab a knife/sword and start ~~picking up a fight~~ doing all the Wushu moves! Backflip and all those! But I can't. 'Cause I've stopped learning it. *sob*

10. PMR-8As!!!! xDDDD

Really want that. :D

11. Get that JPA scolarship and study in UK/France! Woohoo. :DD
*sigh* I really want this too! and I really hope that my marks and everything can take me there. (: But... I'm not even close to it yet. :'( Laziness is eating me up. I'm very very very lazy. Haihhhh. People are starting to study for PMR right now, but I'm still here, dreaming. -.-

12. Be a succesful surgeon. Hopefully, a cardiothoracic surgeon. Haha
And I wish to earn LOTS of money when I'm young then resign before 50. Get back to the arms of my momma and pappa. (: Live with them. Live a serene life. Zen.

... I better go now. If I don't go study, I won't get any of this. xDD So, erm, bye! haha. Wish me luck guys! I'LL WISH YOU LUCK IN ACHIEVING YOUR DREAMS TOO! :D

Good luck!

and Bye.

Best wishes.

Yours truly,
Meidelynn Ooi Ning Wei.

Great Malaysians.

2010-05-04T17:58:00.006+08:00

Nope, no negarawans here in this post. I don't even read negarawans' biographies. You'd just find some amazing Malaysian singers here. :)

WARNING: VIDEO SPAM AHEAD. MAY CAUSE SERIOUS LAGGING.

We'll start off with Ze'Zee Avi! :D I am so tempted to buy her album!! If it's not because I'm broke currently, I'd have her album sitting in my room.

Poppy

credits: kaitlinhoekstra@yt
*The poppy took my baby away from me~~~*

Kantoi

credits: ineza@yt
Even the girls who created this video is great too! 8D Loves.

Performing Morrissey's First of The Gang

credits: ohcolonel@yt

Darlin' it ain't easy.

credits: frankfariz@yt

I am me once more

credits: gwenny7

There're loads of amazing songs by Zee Avi like Just You and Me, Honey Bee etc. Go check it out by yourself! :D Please do!

And then, there's YUNA! Her name sounds like a Japanese singer but she's a MALAYSIAN! :D A Malay. :)

Backpacking around Europe.

Gawd, I love this song. I LOVE IT!!!!

Rocket

credits:currypimpness@yt

Missing Star!

credits:antumotor@yt

Cinta Sempurna

credits: mywazzup94@yt

Dan Sebenarnya

Another fav song! :D
credits: antumotor

Deeper Conversation

Loves.
credits: hdateruterubozu@yt

Next up is Estrella! :DD

Stay

credits: lagunarecords@yt

Ternyata

credits: phuturephlowfilms@yt

Yea, Bunkface is quite nice too, but I malas nak p cari their songs at youtube. D: sorry.Maybe next time? Oh well, I've gotta go watch Grey's Anatomy nowww! :D

Now my blog feels all jazzy! :)) Wish I could sing and play the guitar like all of them.

LESS-THAN-THREE.

2010-04-28T18:15:00.002+08:00

IDK what I'm doing here as I should be doing revision. But I can't resist to tell you that I LOVE SOPHIE KINSELLA! And Rebecca Bloomwood! Hilariously funny. Exdi! Oh, and Luke Brandon must be hot. MY LUKE BRANDON'S HOTTER THAN YOUR LUKE BRANDON, SINJOU! Haha, and I just bought "Can You Keep a Secret"+"For One More Day" by Mitch Albom. The second book (FOMD)=50% discount!

BTW, I don't usually read chick-lits, but SOPHIE KINSELLA'S BOOKS ARE GREAT! :D She's just amazing! HOHOHO. "The Undomestic Goddess"'s my favourite "Sophie-Kinsella-book!" 8D Totally immersed in her story. HAHA. Her books are what people say : light-hearted! Funny and witty! I finished reading Shopaholic and Sister within one day during my trip to KL last year. Cause I was so bored, doing nothing in my KL house as there're NO TV and NO COMPUTER. Let alone internet connection. So I went and planted myself onto the floor and started reading. It was glued to my hands! Can't put it down till I turned to the last page! :D:D:D:D

"Shopaholic Ties the Knot" is here in my kitchen! Borrowed it from my school's library! :D I really like Sin Min's library. And if they allow us to borrow more than one book at one time, I'D BE IN LOVE WITH SIN MIN'S LIBRARY! 8D *less-than-three*

2010-04-28T15:48:00.003+08:00

HHAHAHAHA. Seriously, I miss watching Nigahiga. It's been a long time since I've watched his video. Oh well, here's Nigahiga's Justin Bieber Video. Nope, not a hate-video. JUST WATCH! :D *I less-than-three him*

2010-04-23T22:33:00.001+08:00

I don't like to be emo. Neither do I want to be emo. Trust me, I DON'T.

It's just that recently, I've realized that actually birthdays are not the days when you can just go happy and celebrate. You should mourn instead. You're one step closer to death. :( One step closer to 'forever' - which means death. Birthdays= Devastating=Depressing.

Haha, and yes, my posts are getting shorter and shorter.

Crapping.

2010-04-20T18:16:00.003+08:00

Saya sangat 开心 cuz I'm 双lingual. Atau maybe 我是 trilingual (BM, BI, BC). Walaupun 我不是 very good at any of them. Betul, betul, saya am 捷克斯 of all trades, master of none. :D

Dan 我 love Malaysia. Really I do. But not the politics here of course. Politicians here suck. Wonder if saya boleh menjadi a politician yang best sangat. I think no? Or maybe YES! I would be a 清廉的 politician. Tidak 吃 money, 好好做 seorang politician - To Save Malaysia. (:

Oh well, 我的 Sejarah homework 还 belum finish. :( I nak 去 do 了。Bye.

2010-04-19T23:24:00.002+08:00

Ahaha, I've just realised that...

I'm... 'addicted' to facebook cause I'm... kaypoh?? and super syok sendiri/narcist?

2010-04-18T23:40:00.001+08:00

Somebody to love.♥

2010-04-17T11:40:00.002+08:00

I once thought that in this relentless world, all people are very realistic, even when you help people, you'll have to consider if that may trouble you. But, I was wrong. There actually are people that could help the others without any condition. Which I call 'true friends'. 'True Friends' don't have to be very very close to you, know every secret of yours. 'True Friends' are the ones who'd help you out when you need them. 'True Friends' are those who'd never boggle to let you lean on them. 'True Friends' never hesitate to help you out. 'True Friends' are those who you can really rely on to. Oh, may every God in the universe bless these kind people. And I really admire them, to give people a helping hand without even considering. Watching them helping people just makes me feel bad. >__<. Haihh, and I actually missed out an opportunity to help one of my friends. Eventhough I'm not really close to her, but *sigh* I should help her out.

Just a word I'd like to say to the people that I didn't help out:

Sorry. Deep in my heart, I really am sorry. Hope that you'll give me another chance to make up.

The Land of No Fear and No Tears

2010-04-12T21:48:00.002+08:00

"Writer"'s note: This is Something a.k.a Nothing. This 'nothing' obviously lacked something. Something I would want to have it in my 'nothing'. But this 'something', I don't know what it is. OH WELL, I WAS JUST CRAPPING! xl.

I heard the wind whispering to me
telling me to go barefooted, just flee;
I heard butterflies fluttering next to me
telling me they'll send me off flying, just by using their wings' melody,

So I closed my eyes
believing whole-heartedly that I could fly
So I decided to smile
eventhough I knew the chance for me to fly is just so mild

Then invisible wind started blowing
invisible music started playing
I started to float euphorically with them
to a place unknown, we went

We penetrated clouds that tasted like candy
also plucked stars that shone so brightly
then I kept them in a case
in case
we need them for obstacles we'll have to face

And faster than I thought
we landed on the land we sought
landed on top of the ground
not in the sea or else we'll get drowned

Here, cats talked and butterflies sang
dogs flied and bees ran
the Sun was beaming and flowers were blooming
but no human was to be seen in this clearing

Here, loneliness, sorrow, fear in my heart cleared
then only I realized it's the land of no fears and no tears
No, I don't want to go home
no,no, I don't
I'd like to stay here
Here, in The Land of No Fears and No Tears